#romantic thread between them in some direction! and then they took this character and killed her off before plugging what was left of her

[pantoranqira]

"Anakin/Obi Wan/Yoda/Padmé/Shmi is the most tragic character in Star Wars" you are WRONG actually. L3-37 HOWEVER.....

[joneswuzhere]

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

-  i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time.  and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

[skinner17]

Dissecting Red Spider Arc-The arc that non shipper find it disturbingly (For those who mind) Shippy

I’ve been watching gintama for the past couple of weeks. And since lately I encounter sleeping problem, lets turn this energy to talk about one of my favorite arc. The controversial arc that invite polarized opinion among Gintama fans.

For  Tsukuyo fans, Red spider is a certain favorite together with Yoshiwara in flame and Courtesan of the nation.  This arc fleshed her background and deepen her bond with yorozuya, especially Gintoki

For casual fans, this arc is the first time they see a glimpse of gintoki past, The first time  gintoki in a berserk mode, the first time he act by his own volition. And somehow he appeared like a true shonen hero saving the heroine.

By then tsukuyo was far from heroine status. She just recently introduced a couple episodes back. Yoshiwara in flame focused more on Hinowa and seita story. But Tsukuyo already  rose in ranking because her unique character design (in sacchan word, she has a lot of ‘hooks’) aside being badass in general.

For naysayers, Red spider arc is that arc that destroy Tsukuyo character. Reduced her into damsel in distress, mere love interest and what not. Of course its people’s right to interpret a work however they see fit. People enjoying entertainment in a different way afterall. Maybe they are a strict feminist type who wanted a true xena like character?  disappointed when a strong female charachter ended up saved by the male hero? (Tho I wonder why they don’t care with preceeding events where Tsukuyo saved gintoki a couple of time)  

The other would say this arc is such a big jump from previous arcs. A sudden transition they would say. And heck they’re right. Red spider arc  Is different compared to other serious arc before it.  Its lustrously dark, whispery,  not much emphasis on family nor comedy, not much explosion nor machismo.

And more importantly, its uncharacteristically Intimate.  

What do you expect? It took placein Yoshiwara-The Red light District- afterall.

The curtain raised with Jiraiya, the ex teacher of Tsukuyo, the main villain of this arc, On his post coital glow pondering about his object of creation. After enjoying the service of yoshiwara, He looked at the moon and probably feeling another rush of excitement reminiscing his dear beautiful student and the plan he’d set for her.

Not long after, Tsukuyo feel someone dangerous infiltrating her city. She and her Hyakka squad has been working hard to push down the crime that on the rise after the city lost its night king. Nearing their limit, she turned to Yorozuya, wondering if they can help with the drug problem.

Somehow, Tsukuyo and Gintoki teamed up just the two of them investigating the shady group with spider tattoo trademark. The result was assortment of classic romantic comedy skit : To-Love-Ru type of ‘accident’ and pretend couple.

Ok at this point its just natural that people start to see the two as potential couple. When they bicker they’d scream their heart silly, forgetting  whatever  adult persona they had in mind. Yet when the time come, they play along really well with the others bullshit act. They are on the same frequency already.

Back to the story, Later, they found out the drug lord is Jiraiya who apparently the long dead master (teacher who take care of  protegee under their wing) of Tsukuyo. With his unique ability he nearly killed Gintoki and captured Tsukuyo.

Some Naysayers disappointed at this point because Tsukuyo who supposedly a good fighter became useless in front of jiraiya. Ok let me use this opportunity to explain the technicality of how that’s possible.

She was shocked.

It was a surprise attack

Jiraiya, knew his student fighting ability the best and knew how to immobilize her.

Even Gintoki Almost killed because of his weird technique

She used the last of her strength to saved gintoki from jiraiya’s final blow.

“Huh? But gintoki didn’t turned into a useless mess when he met his long dead master alive?”

Lol what are you smoking? The old master  would split gintoki’s head from his body if not because Kagura’s help.  Also Utsuro/Shouyo goal was to crushed the rebels and nothing to do with Gintoki. While Jiraiya’s goal was to capture Tsukuyo. Understand the difference?  

Ok now that its out of my system lets continue.

Later Gintoki learned about the nature of Jiraiya and what this student-master relationship actually are from Zenzou. She-who believed every word of him and followed his foot step- was his creation and his prey at the same time. This method is sickening for Gintoki who loved his master to death.

For Gintoki a master should be more or less like shoyo. Strong, kind, wise and selfless. The kind of sage who gave his life for his student. Its infuriating to learn that a good women like tsukuyo has a psychotic monster as a master.

���see..Its not because of Tsukuyo that gintoki willingly revert to his shiroyasa self. Its because the master-student thingie that made him mad af”

Was the stuff I read from naysayers.  And for this one, I kinda agree. The main thing that infuriate gintoki about Jiraiya was that he used  master student relationship for some psychotic goal. As we know later, whenever topic about his own master brought on, Gintoki turned into a different beast.

Even I can see this arc’s intent beside telling tsukuyo’s past and cementing her as one of the recurrent character was also to foreshadow  Shoyo related arcs in the future.

However among all of that baggage brought by this arc, theres this one dialogue that caught my attention.

G : "give up already, theres nothing in your web. This entire time there was only a pathetic little spider spinning thread into sky while gazing at distant moon"

J : "What are you babbling about?I already knew that long ago"

The ones who ascociate Tsukuyo with the moon are the one who cherish her like hinowa and the hyakka squad  or the bastard who obsessed at her like Jiraiya. It’s a secret nickname people gave to her beside Shinigami Tayuu / courtesan of death. Wt  

At that  moment, Gintoki  speak about what Tsukuyo is to Jiraiya existence : A moon to a little insignificant spider. This confirm that Gintoki understand Tsukuyo’s epithet-wich means at that point of story he is familiar toward  Tsukuyo more than the viewers aware of.

To add, This is probably just me but the way he said that stuff about Jiraiya, whispering  while gazing at the sky, as if its applied to him aswell.  

Well, I just think that because throughout the fight he keep rambling about being on the same level as Jiraiya.

G: Do you know how to survive the spider nest? By eating the spider.

G : She is stronger than you ever be. A coward like me is enough for a coward like you

To Fight Jiraiya, Gintoki  drew parrarel between himself and Jiraiya. And its not impossible that parrarel extended until that moment.    

I  came to the conclusion At that moment Gintoki  already  admire Tsukuyo. Wether  her virtue, her  face, her quirk  or her phisycal attractiveness, it could be anything. The fact is Tsukuyo basically embodies everything gintoki like in a women.   

However because of his mindset and his self sabotaging lifestyle, he understood Jiraiya’s point of view of admiring an existence that is too good for them.

The episode ended with Tsukuyo learning his master’s past  and accepting his flaw after killing him. The moment when Gintoki implied that he would never be a good student to their master as tsukuyo is pretty touching too.

The last episode of this arc is a short one with majorly comedic skits. Another To Love Ru accident. And  a classic wingman setup to force a couple to be alone together.

Lol too much couply stuff happening in this arc.

Later after the crazy terminator drunken stupor, Tsukuyo asked gintoki if she didn’t has this scar, would her life be any different?

At this point I realize the pain endured by her, even though she said she was fine, physically and mentally, she actually struggling with the realization that all her past was something different than she perceived to be, that rather than genuine student master relationship, its an elaborate plan by her master to kill himself.

Its like realizing that we are adopted after all this time living in a loving family. From the surface it might not changed anything because its all in the past, But it changed everything within. It changed the foundation  of what we stood upon all these time.

Gintoki then assured her that her life is one that she choose, No one make her choose that. wether it’s  driven by a psychotic manipulation or a trust in a teacher who wanted make her strong. The life is still hers to behold and cherish

Gintoki further assured that her face Is not ugly, Its pretty face carrying clean soul. Or something to that effect (since translation vary)

As you see “Soul” is the overarching concept on Gintama. Its like “Adventure” on One piece and “Hard Work” On Naruto. It’s the Idea that the shounen protagonist holds dear.  

Shoyo first teaching to Gintoki was  how to protect his soul. In the war Gintoki choose to kill Shoyo to save his master’s soul. Means he choose Shoyo over his friends and himself. In effect, one of the friend’s soul was corrupted. While Gintoki turned himself into a vessel  whose purpose was merely to protect people he deemed fit and procasinating on his own growth.

Gintoki speak about Tsukuyo’s soul in her face is another testament of how deep their trust and bond has formed. 

Even though Gintoki has innate ability to peek into the human character, its not his fashion to directly address it. He usually find a roundabout way to make the others understand that they are being understood. But with Tsukuyo, everything he do about her  is direct.

“Don’t be a stranger, Lean on me, laugh with me and cry with me. I’d be there, cry and laugh with you ” Said Gintoki to tsukuyo.

 The Gintoki who often avoid emotional baggage from a stranger.

In conclusion, Red Spider Arc is such an awesome arc. The vibe is cool, the soundtrack is awesome and its has an intense emotionally charged action.

It is also the breeding ground for gintsu shipper, wich probably gonna make some part of fandom upset. But it is what it is and we can just enjoy or choose not to.

[chattegeorgiana]

It's 2021 & tbh I'm happy to see you still serving the truth. So many ppl hate Sakura it's rlly sad. I see hate for her from NH & SNS mostly about her "forcing" her feelings on others like she herself didnt realize that & was stuck trying the alleviate that be growing stronger as her main plot point. Her loss of development is 99% SP NH agenda. & honestly I still wish Sasuke got w/ NO ONE, not even Naruto. He wasnt good to anyone, even if he respected them. [1]

& in general I hate the idea that Sasuke HAD to end up w/ someone romantically to try find happiness & that person should have been Naruto/Sakura/etc. bc he COULD had a happy, content, redemption arc w/o a romantic partner. Not everything great in this world is driven by romantic companionship & Sasuke is honestly not cut out for it. I wish he had platonic healing & mending arcs, not this focus on finding the "right one" to bed with.

I will go down in my grave wishing Sasuke could be aromantic/asexual representation in a positive redemption arc of him making amends & fixing bonds w/o needing the "oh so powerful & miraculous" powers of romantic fixation.

__________________________________________________________

Well my parents taught me that a lie has short legs and it won’t last for long. And all you do is deceive yourself with lying so I took that lesson to the very heart through my upbringing and tried to stay as real as I can be. 

I’m the type of person who prefers a hard truth over a sweet lie any day. I have ruined relationships with people because of this way of being. Because I met people in my life that preferred to be sweet talked than told the cold truth.

I am not like that, so yeah.

Now, as for the Sakura hate... well, idk but I’ve also noticed a change in fandom support. Yes, she is still hated but the support for her grew over the years. I’m telling you, it’s one of the things I noticed from the very beginning as I came back to the fandom. 

But as I said in a thread on Twitter of mine, while I loved seeing that support, there are two factors that sadden me. 

1. The love is directed at Sakura Uchiha, not Sakura Haruno and 

 2. The fandom as a whole has become a lot similar to the other side of the fandom that used to bully us Sakura fans back in the day.

Of course, I am talking general aspects, I am sure that there are some particularities here and there. But sadly that's the truth. Which made me think about the following things. Are people really liking Sakura Haruno or Sakura Uchiha?

Because it makes me wonder... where was this love back when Sakura was getting her heroine status ripped? Where was it? Are you loving Sakura now just because she's married into the Uchiha clan? Because if so, that's just sad. And shallow. Like ppl used to call her.

And I know it might ruffle some jimmies, but it's the truth. It's an honest and pure observation, after being gone from the fandom for so long. Don't get me wrong, I love that she's loved and supported now, but I can't help but feel that she is because of the wrong reasons.

As for Sasuke, the problem is that the show rewards him with something that Naruto worked for.

We’re never really shown how he is sorry about all the misery he put everyone through.

People say that  ohhh, he was a victim. But wait. So was Naruto. He didn’t turn into that?

Not saying that what he did didn’t have an impact on him, but at the end of the day it boils down to CHOICE. Which Sasuke’s plot even is about. He CHOSE to go to Orochimaru. He CHOSE to kill Itachi. He CHOSE to destroy Konoha. HE CHOSE TO WANT TO KILL THE GOKAGE at the end!

And problem is that the plot doesn’t hold him accountable for that. And I will never shut up about how in other media authors don’t excuse the antagonist for his actions.

See FMA’s Scar. It’s the EXACT same thing. He had his clan murdered. Same thing. Genocide.

But do you see FMA’s plot excusing him for his actions like Naruto does? No, it doesn’t.

And I think that’s the core problem.

Like I always said: I have a love-hate relationship with Sasuke. I love the fact that he challenges the status quo, but I hate how he goes about it and how the story gives him a free pass.

Because it all feels hollow. Not to mention is a dangerous morale to leave behind. Especially to the newer generation of young adults who are shaping their character.

It’s sends a message that if you suffered, you get a free pass to do whatever shit you want cuz at the end of the day you get a free pass without having to work hard to get your atonement. 

That’s why I love the fight in Jujutsu Kaisen between Panda and Mechamaru. Mechamaru tries to victimize himself and find excuses for his actions, but Panda tells it like it is.

Just because you have suffered, it doesn’t give you the right to be an ass, basically.

As for Sakura and her development, yeah. Everyone acts like an ostrich and hide their heads in the ground pretending that it wasn’t because of SP’s favoritism and mischaracterization that Sakura wasn’t hated.

Well it was that exact same thing that made people hate her. Like I know at some point back in the day, SP had to excuse themselves that noo, they don’t hate Sakura.

Yeah right... Cuz that’s why they made an omake where she was jealous of Hinata and how Hinata was stealing the heroine status from her.

They were slowly inoculating this idea into the fandom’s perception.

And I remember how I used to tell people about it back in the day. SSers as well. 

Guys Sakura is gonna be sidelined because of this. She isn’t gonna be the heroine anymore. But did someone listen? Noo, they didn’t.

Because all they saw was the fact that I was a NaruSaku fan and to hell with me. Out of the fear of NaruSaku might potentially win, they preferred to just shut up.

And then guess what? TL came and they called Hinata the heroine of Naruto’s story.

And I was like lol, I goddamn told you so. But for you it was more important for NaruSaku to lose than Sakura keeping her status, right?

As for who Sasuke should’ve ended-up with? Well that is hard to tell. Ofc, personally due to my preference for symbolism and seeing the power balance, it would’ve been nice to see him paired-up with Karin.

Cuz I feel Karin had what it took to shake him up, cuz she didn’t take his BS. But that’s just me and I would’ve totally been okay with an arc like you proposed.

However, yeah, I don’t see him with Sakura at all , I’m sorry. As much as I would’ve liked to.

Hell, I should’ve been happy as a former SS. Yet I wasn’t.

But I guess this boils down to each person’s principles. And I know where mine lie. :)

[silver-wield]

Omg. Your body language analysis is so on point it makes me go uwu. If you're still doing it, will you make one for the scene where Cloud catches Tifa while Barret shoots his damnest at the heli? I have my own analysis but very curious what's your take on it.

Heya, I'm guessing you don't mean the scene with the hand catch, but the one after it where they reach Barret's position on the stairs. Although I have many thoughts about Rude too and why he first of all directed Reno's attention to Tifa, but then noped them away when Reno was about to shoot her. He had an interesting microexpression – teeny facial tic – that hinted something different to the OG “he's crushing on her” angle.

A lot of these “action touches” get discounted by you-know-who because in those situations it's impossible not to touch? I don't get the reasoning and I'm not gonna try and figure out just what counts and what doesn't. It's non-optional. Isn't that the only argument that matters?

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea's approval (Cloti ask response) 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Quick recap. Cloud and Tifa are reunited after that hand catch scene (smug? Me? Nau) and they're heading up to find Barret after seeing Jessie “die”. The mood is not good. This is not romantic, okay? This is war.

Ok, so already we have touchy touching here. You can argue it's high tension/stress moment and Cloud is making sure Tifa's safe, but he doesn't do that with Barret, is all I'm saying.

Cloud's got hold of her entire arm, not just her wrist or hand, he's got hold of her as securely as possible giving they're in motion. He doesn't want to lose her. She's got her arm on him, braced and using his body as a shield, which he is clearly fine with because he positions her partly behind him while he turns to check the threat from the stairs – possible further collapse of the platform they're now on. He's protecting her. Obvs. I shouldn't have to spell this out. It's not romantic, but it's telling of their trust and reliance on each other as partners. This is a clear pair.

Ok, so moving on from Cloti – cause action scene and this isn't a romance game – we get Tifa hearing Barret behind her. She turns and there's her concern for her friend. Obviously, she cares. It's her entire motivation for leaving the safety at the bottom and hauling her ass up those stairs.

Her face here hits me hard in the feels. She's so grim and worried and doesn't want to lose anyone else. She's caught up to Cloud, but then she lost Jessie – right in front of her and she couldn't do a thing about it. Now, she sees Barret facing down a helicopter.

Take that in. It's a dude – ok he's got a machine gun on his arm – fighting military spec weaponry on a fucking helicopter. Of course she's frightened and worried that she's about to see him get shot. Someone else she couldn't save.

Remember, FF7 has themes of loss and failure. The heroes don't always win or if they do there's a cost. How much of that threads into Remake is still to be seen, but since this scene is following canon we can assume it stands for now.

Tifa's character is often motivated by the desire to not lose people. She even says as much to the Shinra middle manager that she doesn't want anyone else to die. She stops Cloud killing the security agents and Johnny. This is a girl who fights because she wants people to live, not die.

Ok, so now we've got her running to reach Barret, leaving the safety of her bolt hole beside Cloud, who immediately turns and is all wtf when he sees her playing chicken with a chopper. Tbf, Barret doesn't sound that pleased about it, either. It's a crazy impulsive move likely driven by the desire to not lose her friend. If they're together they can stop whatever's coming. Tifa is very teamwork oriented if you recall all her actions from chapter 3 and how demoralised she was when she had to agree to disagree with Avalanche.

Cloud for his part doesn't take too long to dive to the rescue again. I think by now he's pretty much fulfilled that childhood promise and this is way more than just helping out a colleague or friend. He's not hesitating for a second to put himself in front of her with nothing but a sword for a shield.

Sorry, I just stopped the vid on this moment and it looks so damn cool I couldn't resist adding it. All it does is reinforce the above statement that Cloud has zero reservations of putting himself between Tifa and certain death. He's her hero without even stopping to think about it. The framing is stunning. Barret in the background, Cloud in the middle distance and Tifa in the foreground. Cloud has lined himself up with Tifa so that she's as protected by his position as he could possibly get. That takes skill. Tifa's half crouched to make herself a smaller target, but Cloud's body language is open, defiant. He's basically saying “come at me”.

Ah and now I'm sure some people will be all “but Cloud left her in the middle of the platform”. Well, yes, it's called diversion. He's the bigger target, the better target. And by making the chopper follow his progress, he's taken its sights away from Tifa's position. It now has less chance of hitting her when it next fires. Remember, Cloud knows tactics. He's not a dumdum. You can see that on his face as he's deciding his next move. The chopper won't wait for him to stop and explain what he needs to do, it's gonna fire. He's gotta move quickly. He also needs to trust that Tifa can get herself out of trouble. So many people's complaints about how she's not a damsel and should take care of herself. Well, this is Cloud trusting her not to be a damsel. He helped her out, and now he's gotta rely on her helping herself too. If he took her by the hand at this moment and dragged her along with him, she probably would've died. Tifa got herself to his position alone, she's clearly capable. He knows how much ass she can kick.

After that we've got the typical checking for danger and guy banter. I'm loving the development of Cloud and Barret's relationship. They went from outright hating each other to friends over the course of this game. It's beautiful and develops even further in their resolution – I love their one, it's so sweet and sad and such a guy bonding moment. Male friendship is important too, especially to Cloud who doesn't have many friends.

Now, despite the banter, Cloud's head turns at this point, back to Tifa. He's made sure the immediate area is safe, checked in with Barret and now it's back to his primary focus.

I love that Barret calls himself the leading man. It reminds me of Balthier in FF12.

And you'll see that Barret is still in the middle of that line while Cloud is stretching his hand out for Tifa. Could be a “I gotta grab my teammate” move, but I mean, really? Are we that delusional? He didn't have to do any of this. He could've relied on Tifa to get herself over there and not put out a hand for her. Barret didn't grab him. You could say that Barret doesn't like Cloud enough for that, but it's a high action moment. They're comrades and being shot at. Any helping hand is appreciated. Maybe Barret thought Cloud was capable enough not to need help. But then wouldn't the same apply to Tifa? Why does she need helping just cause she's a woman? She can kick ass.

And what about Barret? His attention isn't on Tifa at all. His focus is the helicopter, so he's either relying on Tifa to be ok without that level of help or he's expecting Cloud to support her.

Yes, she is literally throwing herself into his arms. That's how much she trusts him to catch her. Again, Cloud is going for a full arm grab – a hand or wrist isn't secure enough in this situation and he wants to keep her safe.

Tifa. Well, she looks scared. Shocker. She just got shot at by a helicopter. Ofc she's scared and leaning on Cloud. She's taking strength and reassurance from him. I mean, she could've just grabbed his arm and pulled herself to safety. There's no need for this depth of touch.

You'll notice this all happens within miliseconds while Barret says that leading man line. This is very quick action, very decisive. No hesitation on anybody's part.

I mean, this is full upper body contact between them. I don't know what else to say about it. There's no need to get this close. He could've pulled her over and then let go. He didn't. They both prolonged contact. This is relief they're ok for the moment. They’re united in how they feel.

Oh look, eye contact. I've pointed out before that Cloud doesn't do eye contact with people very well, but he does with Tifa, no matter the situation. Looking at this I'm like damn get a room. It's an intense look between them and even though there's shit hitting the fan around them you can see they have attention for each other, too. He's pulled her to safety and now he's meeting her gaze to gauge if she's ok. She nods. He nods. Back to the action. They don't have time for a drawn out romantic bit. They've got more serious things to think about, but even during the most high tension action scenes they have this energy about them that speaks to their close bond and affection. He's comfortable with her touch in every situation – if I'm wrong about this then someone point it out to me so I can see plz. He's still got his hand on her after they separate from their action hug and then when he drops his hand he braces it against the pipe beside her. Still close to her, though not actually touching.

After Barret asks if they're ready, Cloud looks around then looks at Tifa again. Did he need to do that? Idk, but he didn't look at Barret before they hauled ass.

Conclusion:

Kinda obvious. Even in high tension situations Cloud has part of his attention on Tifa. He's hyper aware of where she is and whether she needs him at any given time. It's sweet af how much he focuses on being her hero without even really knowing why. This instinctive need to protect her comes from the real!Cloud part of him. The one that made the promise to her. The one that has a crush on her.

Some people can say these kind of moments don't count because Cloud has no choice(?) but to touch her, but actually, he has no reason to touch her the amount he does. There's ways to execute these moments without this much unnecessary touching. He does it this way because of an instinctive need and desire to touch her this much. It's what he wants to do.

[shikamarubae]

War of the heart. pt2

Pairing:  Kakashi x reader, Itachi x reader

Summary: Getting used to the idea that you have been kidnapped is not easy, much less when you are not able to decipher the intentions of your kidnappers

Warnings: Some violence 

A/N:  English isn´t my first languge, please keep that in mind, i hope you like it. The parts in italics are memories/dreams with memories.

Tags: @flowersgirl02​ , @affection-rabbit​ ,  @dumb-dork​

Part 1  Part 3 

The man in front of you seemed calm, nothing indicated that he intended to hurt you and his eyes had returned to normal. You looked at yourself, your torso was covered with bandages from chest to navel, your head was still dizzy, surely from the poison so you felt an inappropriate serenity.

-Are you going to kill me? -You asked calmly, drawing his attention to you as he seemed to have been distracted by something.

-You seem very calm to think that I'm going to kill you.

-It isn´t something that worries me-you shrugged but you quickly regretted it, pain covered your whole body

-You can´t do that yet.

-Are you going to tell me why I'm here or are you just going to stand there looking at me?

Itachi smiled and you were surprised, backing off a little at the gesture that seemed so warm and human-It seems that you still have the same bad character.

-We only did three missions together, it's not like you know me.

-I remember Hatake Kakashi  complained about your bad character.

Those words bothered you, because they made you remember that Kakashi had not come back for you and made you remember one of the reasons why Kakashi had no romantic interest in you, because he didn´t like that part of you, he didn´t like the part that got mad without control, answered wrong and did not measure the situation or the feelings of others, you bit your lip and looked at your hand, trying not to think about your feelings when the situation you were in was not normal and Itachi had evaded the question of why you were there.

-If you are planning to somehow make me help you to capture my cousin ... you have made a big mistake.

Itachi crossed his arms, he was closer to you, this time on the side of the bed and his eyes were back to their red tone. "Are you in position to say that?" His monotonous tone of voice and his serious expression again.

-Of course, I can always bite my tongue and swallow it -you said smiling cynically

-I like that-A new voice joined the room, a big and blue man, he didn't even look human, entered the room and walked to Itachi, he put his hands on the bed and leaned forward, instinctively you moved away from him as much as the bed allowed and you looked at him with a grimace and then looked at Itachi- She doesn't look like the Jinchuuriki at all. Are you sure they are family?

A serious look is all he got and the fish-like man smiled showing teeth that seemed less and less human and left the room, you followed him with your eyes  until he disappeared and then you turned your attention to Itachi- Why Does he look like a fish? - You asked quietly and again you got a smile from the Uchiha, something that seemed just as strange but warm as the previous one.

-To be honest, I don't know, he was like that when I met him.

Those were the last words you exchanged before he disappeared and you lay back on the little bed, just being sitting instead of lying down had tired you, so you quickly fell asleep again.

The mission had not been particularly dangerous but if it had been exhausting, you hardly felt your feet and Kakashi did not seem to want to stop to rest.

-Kakashi-your voice sounded like a childish complain.

-hm? -was all you got and he turned to look at you, just by seeing one of his eyes he knew he was raising an eyebrow.

-Can we stop to rest? we've been on the road for two days straight

-Okay-his eye formed a smile and his hand rested on your head-but I thought you had more stamina

In response you formed a pout and rested your forehead on his chest, his arms wrapped around you, you separated a little to look at him and then look at the sky after him -It is a very beautiful night-you observed, seeing all the stars crowding after the gray-haired man and then you directed your gaze back to him, who was watching you intently, you smiled pleased with that intimate moment and how easy it was to fill your heart with joy, you left a little kiss on his lips, on the mask and walked away to prepare the area for the night.

Kakashi lowered his mask and hugged you under the blanket you shared, leaving a kiss on your head and you huddled even more in it, closing your eyes, you felt so good every time you were with him, relaxed, calm, safe. You felt his fingers caress your face, go through your eyelids, cheeks and lips- (YN) -your name came out in a sigh- Sometimes you can be so sweet, I wish you were like that all the time.

You woke up confused until you remembered where you were, this time you were completely alone, you looked around and there was a glass of water next to you, you drank it and carefully got out of bed, finding your legs barehad you been stripped naked? you felt your blood boil, even if you had no strength someone was going to take a punch for that.

Just with your underwear and the bandage that covered your torso you walked around the room, until you found a white haori folded at one side, without really thinking about it, you put it on and left the room.

There was not even a door, an old cloth used as a curtain was what indicated the entrance and exit of that room, nor was there any type of surveillance, it was clear that they were confident you would not be able to escape. In a way it offended you, but it was normal, with your injuries you couldn´t do anything against them and you didn´t know how many people were there, if there were only Itachi and the man who looked like a fish, in some carelessness you could sneak away but if there were more people, you would have it more difficult.

You were convinced that they had taken all this into account and that was why they had left you there carefree.

You felt damp on the ground, even though you didn´t see well because everything was plunged into great darkness you could guess that it was like a  cave, you walked guided by a small thread of light, until the thread became an opening, It wasn't strong and bright light like daylight, it was dim and cold, like the night.

The opening through which the light entered was not very large, but enough for a person to pass if they bent down, enduring the pain you came out, finding you with a balcony of rock and emptiness. The exit led to a precipice, at first glance it seemed that you had no option to escape, if you were in normal conditions, you could do something crazy and escape from there but with your sore and injured body it was impossible, you had suffered to walk and get there, indescribable pain ran through your entire torso every time you took a step.

Resigned, you sat on the edge, contemplating the immense and lush forest that made its way under your feet, the wind blew hard, resounding whistles all over the place and raising the smell of wet grass that had left the passing of the rain, the wind wasn't especially cold, it was chaotic, heralding a new storm.

Those were your favorite smells and sensations, you closed your eyes taking a deep breath and enjoying that moment, you didn't know what the future held for you, so you couldn't miss moments like that.

"Woman, are you trying to escape already?" The voice startled you, you didn´t recognize it, it did not belong to Itachi or to the man who looked like a fish, you turned carefully and met an unknown man, a chill ran up and down you and for the first time since you were there you felt fear, you didn´t feel threatened in the presence of Itachi, nor in the presence of the blue guy, only confused and uncomfortable, but with that man you felt that at any moment he would kill you, without any reason.

-No- you replied, getting up carefully and facing him, being fully aware that you were cornered between the man of strange green eyes without life and the void.

-You should be chained, if not, it could happen that someone found you escaping and killed you-A hand appeared quickly on your neck, pressing hard, the grip was so strong that you did not know what would happen first, suffocating or breaking your neck. You dug your nails into his arm, ripping his flesh and skin with all your strenght, leaving several wounds that would have made any normal person pull away or at least loosen his grip, but of course that guy was not normal.

The pressure didn´t decrease, your eyes were full of tears and you saw everything blurred, you couldn´t open your mouth to scream or catch air, were you going to die like that? It was pathetic, that's what you thought until another hand appeared on the arm of the man.

-Kakuzu-You recognized Itachi's voice-release her.

The grip held for a few more seconds as the men stared at each other, among all the chaos formed in your mind and the blurred vision, you saw Itachi's eyes turn red and then, the man named Kakuzu dropped you and left.

Leaning on your knees and hands on the floor, you coughed and tried to breathe, you felt a hand on your back, it was a soft touch, almost without pressure that went from top to bottom. "Is he trying to calm me down?"

You turned to meet Itachi's serious gaze-Were you trying to escape?

You denied still unable to speak and with your hands still on the ground, you could not move, your whole body hurt.

The man got up and walked away from you, walked towards the small entrance but you did not move from the site-W..wait-you murmured with a weak voice-I can't move. 

In the blink of an eye you were on his arms being carried back to the room, his touch was nice, he was warm and comfortable, you were angry, you had never been weak, you never needed to be saved, it was the first time in your life that you were completely powerless in a situation, two wounds and a little poison had left you defenseless to the point of having to depend on your kidnapper to stay alive, in one word, you felt pathetic.

-Don't hurt yourself-he said as he carefully settled you on the bed and before you could manifest how absurd you considered him to say that, he took your hands and opened them, making you see your own palms. Not only did you have blood from scratching Kakuzu, you had dug your nails into your own palms while Itachi led you to the room, the result of rage and helplessness. You took your hands away from him and hid them under the sheet, but not everything ended there, his index finger went through your lower lip carefully, causing surprise and a tickle in your stomach, he showed you the finger and there was blood, how strong had you been biting your lips? You looked the other way, waiting for him to leave but he didn't move.

-Don't get out of here alone, Kisame and I are not the only ones who use this base and there are some members who don´t understand your usefulness so they will not hesitate to kill you.

-It's normal, I don't understand it either  -You said almost spitting in his face-tell me, why i´m here?

-Not yet, but you're not going to die for now.

-Of course, that is very reassuring, thank you very much but I have already told you, if you want to use me to harm Naruto, I will kill myself before it happens.

-That won't be necessary, rest and when the time comes i will let you know.

[grimmseye]

A Bird in the Hand: Chapter Twelve

Read on Ao3 here!

Rating: M

Fandom: Critical Role

Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (eventual),

Chapter Characters: Mollymauk Tealeaf, Essek Thelyss

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Molly Rez, Amnesiac Mollymauk, Oh My God They Were Roommates, Violence, The best kind of romantic relationships are when you fight big monsters together

— — —

Seeing this side of the world reminded Essek why they were envious of the Empire.

The Ashkeeper peaks, at their southernmost edge, were bright with life. Even in the nighttime, the lands buzzed with a steady drone of noise, small and mundane creatures that would bear them little harm so far from the wastes of Xhorhas.

They didn’t have these luxuries of rich growth and predators that thought you too big to be their next meal. The Dynasty’s lands were long blighted, and what stood today came from centuries of building from scrap.

Essek was not much of a patriot, but he still had some love for his home, and still wanted to see it flourish. Beholding the verdant jungles that spilled out far below, he could not tamp down the resentment for what they’d been denied.

One ear flicked back at the sound of approaching steps. Essek turned as Mollymauk caught up with him, his coat draped between his arms to carry several handfuls of small, round fruit. The smile on his face beamed joy and contentment as he shuffled up to Essek and held out his coat in offering. “Blueberry?”

“Another fruit named after its color,” Essek observed, but reached for a few.

“Make sure to take the firmer ones. A mushy berry will ruin your day,” Molly advised, and Essek rolled back a few that had been soft between his fingers.

They were little blooms of sweetness on his tongue, and he couldn’t help but let a smile spread across his face. Xhorhas struggled to maintain their farms, druids and bards and clerics filtering out to the fields to bless the lands and enrichen the soil. While it let them till the land, magic had a way of leeching the flavor from anything that grew there. It left much to be desired beyond the edible fungi that naturally grew in the wastes.

“Good?” Molly prompted, smiling. “Hey, hey, hand over your bag, will you? I can’t carry these forever.” He reached for Essek’s pack without waiting for real permission, tugging a small pocket open to start shoveling berries inside. “Just let me know when you want some more!”

When the berries were safely offloaded and the pocket closed, they fell into step back along the deer path they’d been following. An arc of one finger sent orbs of light bobbing through the air around him to illuminate their road once again.

They had only been traveling a few hours, his teleportation spell landing them further than he might have liked. Mollymauk took to the mountains with glee, his hooves allowing him to hop up steeper slopes with ease while Essek simply let graviturgy boost him up the hills. It made him feel warm to see Molly scamper up to the crest of another slope and then spin around, absolute delight on his face as he drank in the world below them.

“Mollymauk,” he called, and watched him twitch to attention. “More berries, please.”

“Get your ass up here first,” Molly shouted down. It was a blessing that he didn’t start his usual jeering.

Once Essek had joined him, Molly dutifully opened the pouch, delivering another handful of berries. Several steps down the path, he got a tug on his arm, and the tiefling’s mouth opened wide in expectation.

“You could have gotten your own,” Essek pointed out, but fed him a berry. Teeth closed around his pointer finger, scraping as Essek pulled away.

Molly waggled his eyebrows. Essek turned to walk away.

“Gods’ sake, Essek,” Molly groaned. He caught Essek around the shoulders to pull him down, lips meeting. The hand that didn’t cradle blueberries found Mollymauk’s arm instead, squeezing in expectation for the filthy sort of kisses Molly liked to spring on him these days. Instead he found himself smiling as Molly pressed one, two, three, small pecks to his lips, and then another to his nose, and again to his lips, this time to mumble, “You’re such a hardass.”

“You’ve done nothing to discourage me,” Essek pointed out, and Molly barked out a laugh.

It made travel impossibly slow, but Essek had never enjoyed himself more on this road. Earlier in his career, he had traveled with bands of Kryn soldiers, escorting him under the night, moving quick and quiet with the constant dread of being found out beyond their borders. As he developed his skills and reputation, he’d started coming alone, trusting his own resilience to make a quick escape if needed.

Neither had been enjoyable. Being alone had been an improvement, allowing him the peace to enjoy the change in scenery, but in recent months he’d recognized something that colored all memories of his past: a loneliness that ached to his core.

Now he had Mollymauk.

The Ashkeeper peaks were home to drakes. They weren’t true dragons, lacking their power and intelligence, but hunting one down would fetch a good price in any shaded market. Essek wasn’t here for poaching, though — all he needed were the shed scales that lined their nests.

They reached the peaks a few hours before dawn. The moons had slid out of view, leaving a bright field of stars overhead. He dismissed the lights around them, and they both took a moment to let their eyes adjust to the new darkness.

Mollymauk stuck close from that point forward. His visual range was significantly reduced compared to Essek’s, and he followed close behind. When Essek’s hands drifted to his component pouches, Molly’s swords hissed from their sheathes.

He had been to this drake’s lair a few dozen times already, and knew its patterns. A male, it always left the nest at night to hunt. It dwelled in a cave at the very peak of the Ashkeepers, where snow lined its crest well into summer.

Mollymauk’s steps were near-silent in the frost. Essek cast Message, whispering “Don’t stray from me,” before he set a hand on Molly’s shoulder and cast invisibility on them both.

His grip tightened as Mollymauk’s image slid away. He kept pace, Molly’s tail weighed against his side as the tiefling eased towards the mouth of the cavern. The temperature only dropped further as they passed under its roof. The inside of the cave nearly crystalline with ice. Even invisible, the fog of their path mingled with that which circulated inside.

Essek would give Mollymauk nudges to direct him through the tunnels, the two of them slipping around frozen bends, a veritable maze carved into the mountain. At its end was another cavern, this one with walls and burrows to form an uneven landscape. Essek knew that at the farthest point, the drake’s nest would be tucked away, filled with soft snow and plant matter and any shiny thing the creature could get off the ground.

A low, rumbling sound made both of them freeze. It rolled through the cavern, bouncing off the frozen walls. They held their breaths, counting the seconds of silence before it was chased by a hissing, sucking sound.

Snoring. That was the sound of snoring. The drake was still in its nest.

Molly’s hand replaced his tail, a weight at Essek’s side. He dragged it up, to his arm, his shoulder, skimming fingers along the length of his neck and over his jaw, until he’d found Essek’s ear and held it in place. Heat burned his cheeks as he leaned down and Molly pressed close.

The tiefling’s lips were practically on top of his ear as he whispered, “Still good to go?”

His hand dipped to cup Essek’s cheek, so Molly felt it when he nodded. There was a squeeze to his jaw, and a moment later, Molly slipped away.

The absence terrified him. Essek pulled a piece of iron from his pouch and clutched it in his hand. Even prepared, he was still too far away to cast. He watched Molly’s path through the mist, eyes fixated on every uneven swirl of fog until it grew too dense to parse.

Then his eyes were focused on the drake’s nest, which hovered at the very edge of his vision. He held his breath, blood pumping in his ears.

The edges of the nest were lined with glinting shapes — silver scales. It was the sudden loss of one’s light that alerted him to Molly’s position, watching as a shape lifted, and vanished. Then, seconds later, another. Then a third. All the while, the drake in the nest snored peacefully away.

One by one, Molly plucked the scales from the nest and tucked them safely away. Essek had almost let himself breathe again — and then a scraping sound came from above.

Essek froze. He prayed Molly had done the same, ears straining for the noise. It was the echo of scrabbling talons growing steadily louder, and closer. His eyes widened as he stared at the roof of the cavern, where one of those burrows tunneled up through the mountain to open air, where another silver snout was poking through.

The drake had apparently found itself a mate. Now the new one crawled onto the ceiling, something bloody clutched in its mouth. Its wings spread, bringing it gliding down to the cavern floor, Essek’s heart leaping in his chest as it landed on the edge of the nest. It was not, apparently, on top of Mollymauk, for the drake only siddled back onto the ice and began to scrape at it with its claws.

Mollymauk was invisible. He only needed to stay still and wait for the creature to settle down. Essek repeated this in his head as he watched the chunk of meat — a torn-off deer’s haunch, he was sure — get tucked down in the ice and then blasted with a stream of pure frost from the creature’s throat. It nudged the heap left over, muzzle coming away coated in snow, and for just an instant it looked like it was going to curl up peacefully in its next.

Then its nostrils flared. The pupils dilated, a snarl echoing through the cavern, this time the breath exhaled was more than just snow — it was a cone of jagged ice, to cut and freeze and kill. Essek felt the thread of his spell snap, Mollymauk flickering into view as a silhouette ducking away from the blizzard.

Essek’s feet hit the ground. He moved faster this way, darting forward across ragged ice. The other drake was waking now, as an arc of flaming orbs formed a halo above Essek’s head and then blared jets of fire into its mate.

Molly tried to retreat, scrabbling back. The awoken drake caught sight of him and then shrieked and lunged, the first snap of its jaws missing but talons catching his thigh. Molly snarled. His sword flashed down, Essek threw out a hand. The velocity of his swing doubled just before he struck, driving the blade deep into the meat of the creature’s back.

The second, the male drake, jumped from behind Mollymauk. Essek rushed forward, squeezing the chunk of iron tight enough that it cut into his palm and willing the beast to freeze in place. His magic curled around it for only a moment before it broke free of his grasp. It snapped at Mollymauk with a vengeance, clothes shredding around its teeth and jaws slicked with blood..

Molly couldn’t escape, barred in by two of the beasts. Essek snarled to himself, shifting to an angle where he could line up their thrashing bodies. “Mollymauk,” he called. The tiefling caught his gaze, saw the electricity as it pulled into Essek’s grip, and dove for the female’s tail.

He swung forward. The air pressure dropped, and dark purple lightning burst across the floor. It caught the female in the skull, its mate springing away with a hiss. Molly took the distraction, swinging viciously into the already bloodied drake as it staggered and wailed.

Essek hesitated for only a moment before getting even closer. He could get them out, he just needed to get to Mollymauk first.

And then the female turned, frost billowing between its teeth, and both of them were surrounded by pure cold. Essek shuddered, his legs giving way, knees hitting the ground. Snowflakes clung to his eyelashes, blurring his vision, skin stinging where needles of ice pricked through his flash.

He panted, gulping in a breath before he pushed himself upright. Mollymauk was still on his feet, defending himself against both of the beasts with blood dripping down his chin.

One step forward. Fresh blood drooled from Molly’s eyes, but the tail still caught him in the legs, made him stagger.

Another step. Molly dug one sword into the ice, the other glowing with radiant light. He lunged, dragging a crimson line into metallic scales.

Another step. The drakes both snarled, jaws parting in near unison, two mouths full of ice to expel.

Essek’s hand clamped onto Mollymauk’s shoulder, and he pulled.

They landed outside the cave, several hundred feet down the mountain. The shift in pressure made his ears pop as they collapsed in the grass.

For a moment, they both just caught their breath, adrenaline making his hands shake and his head swim. He listened as Mollymauk regained his bearings, shoving himself onto his knees.

“Can we run one gods- damned errand,” Mollymauk snarled, wrestling Essek’s pack away, “without something getting its teeth into me.”

There was the clink of glass. Essek rolled over, pushing himself to sit up. Mollymauk had pulled out a pair of potions, and was holding both of them out to him.

Essek frowned. “You take one,” he said, lifting a single bottle from his grip. He braced himself and downed it, the grimace from its taste giving way to relief as warmth flushed over his skin again.

Molly shrugged, pinched his nose, and did the same. Essek had to chuckle as Molly gagged and dove for the blueberry pouch.

He watched as Molly crammed a handful past his lips, then threw himself onto the ground. The grunt and groan that followed suggested the potion hadn’t patched everything up just yet.

He chuckled, and then settled his chin in one hand, elbow propped on a knee. “That was unfortunate,” Essek sighed. “I’ll have to go back to making this trip in a group if there’s a pair of them, now.” He was glad they hadn’t actually managed to kill one. If the drakes abandoned that nest, he’d be out of good components. “At least information means the trip wasn’t an utter waste.”

Molly, mouth stained with blueberry juice, suddenly perked up. He gave a wet, food-muffled noise that made Essek grimace before digging into the pockets of his coat. When he pulled his hands free, it was with a bundle of silver scales each.

Essek’s face lit up. He took the scales, even those streaked with blueberry juice, to examine them for a moment and slip them into his component pouch. Excitement thrummed in his chest. That would restore an entire batch of potions and leave him some leftover material for experimentation — he could kiss Mollymauk for that.

He could. That was the truth. Essek peeked back at Molly, to find the tiefling sitting up again with a squinty-eyed grin.

It took a moment to steel his courage before he cupped Molly’s face and pressed a kiss to his lips. The shock and then delight that shone in his eyes after had some odd pride flaring in Essek’s chest.

He’d almost grown comfortable with the arrangement. Mollymauk almost always initiated, pulling him down for kisses or burrowing into his space, clinging in bed when the night was cold. Sometimes he’d push Essek down in that bed and leave marks on his neck that the mantle would hide. Sometimes Essek came home carrying tension in every muscle and Molly would nudge him against the wall and sink to his knees, or lay out across the bed on his belly, tail curling, voice goading.

Turning the tables was fun. Seeing the warmth in Molly’s eyes made his heart do something strange but not quite unpleasant.

“Let’s get a little further out before resting,” Essek suggested, before pulling Molly another five hundred feet down the mountain.

He cast a spell, then, one that Molly had seemed delighted by when he first heard of it. Magnificent Mansion was a requirement for travel. The doorway shimmered into being, and the two of them vanished inside. There were a few plants Essek will need to gather under sunlight come morning, but for now, they could lay in a bed and rest.

And they did. They sank onto a mattress, injuries still too sore to do anything but curl around each other and bask in shared heat after being doused in the mountain’s chill. Meditation was easy to slip into, the deepening of Molly’s breaths becoming the metronome to carry him somewhere beyond conscious thought.

These were moments that made him feel like even in the worst of times, things could still be okay. The yawning pit of his future had given way to a flicker of light.

He was woken by the feeling of a spell shredding through the threads of his magic.

Essek’s heart skipped the moment before he was shunted into another space. He hit the ground in a heap, gasping in one breath before the air became flame.

A scream ripped from his throat. He thought for a moment it was echoing, until he realized Mollymauk was shrieking as well. In the span of seconds, every inch of his flesh was sent crawling with agony, blood pulsing heavy under his skin and leaving him stunned when the inferno fell away.

Arrows had embedded in his body almost without him noticing. He reached for his component pouch, grabbing hold of Mollymauk as they staggered upright. He’d burned too much magic to bring them home, but maybe he could put enough distance, could hide —

The spell crumbled to ash. Essek’s gaze focused on the caster, horror twisting in his gut. Mollymauk met his eyes, then shoved him, barking, “Just run!”

So he ran, dragging Mollymauk behind him. His hand lifted to try again, just one successful cast to save them.

A series of snaps pierced his ears before the bolts drove under his skin. He pitched forward, registering only pain the second before the world turned to black.

Elsewhere, it was raining.

They stood on a hillside, the clouds opened up to a frigid downpour. It wasn’t a storm, yet, but the force of the wind was a warning.

Two pairs of hands dug through slick mud, finding the earth below loose and pliant, the grave they had dug so long ago now revealing itself as empty.

[myfriendpokey]

the 2019 my friend pokey year in review!!

released a game i was happy about. started work on a new game i'm not sure about yet! went through a few months of false starts, switching game engines and ideas and approaches.

at one point i decided i wanted to spend about 2 years making nothing but "clown games", games where you played as a little mr. do figure navigating these abstract tile mazes a la chip's challenge. these games would all have titles like clown thing, clown city, moon clown, clown deluxe. i put this idea on hold when it was pointed out to me that all of my games were clown games.

at a different point i decided to try making an rpg maker horror game. i spent a month reading as many ghost stories as i could but then when i actually started the work i realised i'd immediately lose interest when the game was meant to become scary as opposed to just being a strange space full of funny text descriptions. but, one day i hope i can return to this game.

i made physical cd rom boxes for 10 beautiful postcards and took them to a zine fair. i think i forget the extent to which cds are a legacy format, now... people seemed interested but noncommital. i need to remember the last time i tried doing this was in 2014!! still interested in the idea of more "local" ways of releasing these things but will need to reconsider my approach.

also for the fair i made a short zine of romantic comedy reviews from my big romantic comedy review thread. i think i started that last year... over time i've become more jaded... i think i want to put that aside for a while so that i don't become the romcom equivalent of a joyless youtube guy. i don't know if it comes across in anything i've written about them but i do get a certain charge from the studio romantic comedy format. these things were on TV all the time when i was a kid. they fit sort of the same role as horror films and action movies to me, in that the real appeal wasn't so much the nominal genre as the weird vague visions of "everyday life" that the genre had to clothe itself in. the idea that these could be examined for clues to that life... and of course romcoms offer up a different version of that terrain than other genre movies, one that's almost studiedly bland in such a stylised and artificial way that it becomes seductive. when i was a kid i dreamed about being one of the night watchmen patrolling the warehouse in the opening minutes of a horror movie; now i have at least some kind of fascination with the eerily benign and conflictless parallel universe of spunky yet hapless romcom heroines running around accidentally dumping coffee on people.

i wrote another few big blog things. my favourite is probably the one on easy games - as prolix as ever but basically light and drifting in scope. my attempt to get at what i find exciting about the specific category of "videogame writing" in Monster Party... i dunno, we always kill the thing we love etc. writing on modernism and vgames i found interesting though it's possibly unintelligible to anyone who doesn't have my particular haphazard reference points for what modernism even refers to (more biased to writing than painting etc). i enjoyed trying to figure out what morality means in this weird context.

I also wrote dictionary to the known world for emilie reed’s lost histories jam. this was an attempt to get across the sort of strange insular reference systems which existed in hobbyist game spaces at a point immediately before they were all grouped under “indie”. 

i spent the last two years kind of obsessively returning to the idea of videogames as speculation, videogames as financialisation, videogames and the market. videogames thru the lens of the crash in 2008. i don't completely know why i got so fixated for so long, but feel like i was finally able to burn myself out on the subject in the course of this long piece. i dunno, maybe in future i can swing more into the other direction - the non-economic, mystical, etc. this year i bought a little clear glass pyramid with a star embedded into it for £1.50, and if you look through it and turn it around you get these vivid translucent fields of colour... it's interesting and it's pleasant to look at. clear glass pyramid is the game of the year.

oh, I also did the ball with feet fanpage this year. come with me and appreciate one of the format’s most powerful critters.

books: i can never remember what i read, but here are the ones i most remember out of 2019.

val wilmer - as serious as your life: a beautiful book about free jazz, or "the new music", worthwhile less for the descriptions of same than for the careful contemporary reportage of how it came about: the people involved, the influences and ideas that moved and changed from place to place, disagreements and developments, across rehearsals and performances and such clubs as would book it at all: what sun ra refers to here as the "unmanufactured avant garde", the kind that emerges when people in a commercially disregarded form quietly find space to explore their own interests. and to respond to one another's work - possibly the most surprising aspect of this book in 2019 is the way seemingly none of the musicians felt the now inescapable obligation to respond to the commercial culture of the day, to describe their work in the preferred language of that culture rather than on their own terms. instead we get reportage of black avant-garde musicians attempting to unionise in hopes of extracting concessions  from a white pop media establishment - think about reconciling THAT with the recieved ideas of culture 2019, in which anything that's not a disney movie is presented as elitist. solid paperback reissue means it's suitable for throwing at the heads of passers by.

other books i remember:

jane bowles - collected works. these are very mysterious and funny - i don't know how to describe them other than as sort of having the tone of a screwball katherine hepburn comedy in which she gets the job of becoming a beckett protagonist. max haiven - art after money, money after art. a feast on every page... extremely sharp and restless thinking about art, financialisation, the shifting and ongoing interdependence of the two. roberto calasso - the marriage of cadmus and harmony. content warning for greek myths and all that this implies. got this one on a whim not caring anything about the subject but was immediately drawn in by the terrifying strangeness of the symbolic universe that he explores. jean debuffet - cultural asphyxiation. collection of miscellaneous debuffet writings. vengeful attacks upon official culture. ford madox ford - memories & impressions. an extremely unreliable but entertaining memoir about growing up in the circle of the pre-raphaelites. there's a good bit where he describes the terror of walking around london as a child when you've been made to dress like a cross between little lord fauntleroy and oscar wilde. b.s. johnson - christy malry's double entry. the title character applies the basic principle of double entry bookkeeping - for every debit, a credit - to work and life, killing thousands in the process. funny and  strangely melancholy in the manner of at swim-two-birds.

other 2019 things: first time visiting sligo, saw some megaliths, got some nice books. first time casting a vote for a political program i was sincerely enthusiastic about! they got crushed!! tomorrow is another year.

[kangaracha]

1, 4, 5, 8, 9, 13 :)

de1: of the fic you’ve written, which are you most proud of?

not counting my fics that aren’t zombies, if only we knew. I often feel like I lose the thread of my themes and stuff while writing my like longish stuff, but on this it all just sort of....came together and Worked. also I really challenged myself with the themes of this, and I’ve continued challenging myself with the themes of the sequel, and the chasm grows and I’m really happy I stuck to my guns with it because I think it came out really nicely.

also that one prompt I did for you where zed lowkey killed addison? yeah I’m pretty proud of myself for that. (but really, I turned that out in thirty minutes total, which is probably the fastest I’ve ever had something that feels so complete finished ever, and I was so happy with the twist and the clues I worked in there and it’s probably the only short thing I’ve ever written that doesn’t feel like the pacing is weird or rushed)

4: what are some themes you love writing about?

hmmmmmmmm. I think friendship is my like, go-to, I love building/exploring relationships between characters and generally I latch on to friendships over romantic relationships. death is always a good one, I enjoyed exploring that in if only. I don’t like coming of age or the ‘chosen one’ sort of plots, but I do like strong characters and taking them on a journey of discovery/leadership/growth into being a hero. My one true love is apocalypse stories, and all the things that come with them - the loss of hope, the losing or finding of humanity, the state of the world/humans, corruption, rebellion, the choice of whether to be good or bad, the ability to question if there is a point at which it isn’t worth it to live in a world like that anymore.........there are just endless, really deep and solemn themes to explore there and the added bonus of these twisted and sometimes unrecognisable worlds.

5: what inspires you to write?

in the day-to-day, music is a huge help in just...setting my mind to writing, getting in the right headspace, and it’s a great source of ideas sometimes too. I have a playlist for everything that takes more than a couple of days to write, so when I need to settle into the vibe of a piece or I want to spend some time thinking about what I’m doing with it, I’ll throw on the playlist and spend an hour or so like...sinking into it. 

otherwise, my fanfic ideas mostly come just from lines or things I see in the source material - identity came from that scene when they return from zombie containment, zed’s explanation of containment and eliza’s spiel. the beginning of if only came from your prompt fill but the rest of it sprouted entirely from the line ‘we die. we be nothing.’ and you will run and run and run came to me during eliza’s verse in ‘my year’. 

my favourite place to come up with fantastic scene ideas and/or plot twists is in the shower, or while driving. on my way to work is a particularly good time, because it’s just so early and my brain is still half-asleep and doesn’t care about plot holes.

8: is there a character you love writing for the most? the least? why?

well I mean, right now I am l i v i n g for that Wyatt-centric fic. he’s a character that’s calm and thoughtful and leaves a lot of room to fit in contemplations and explain plot elements and leave space between dialogue without it feeling out of character like it might for a character that is more hot-headed and faster-paced. I really like Eliza for similar reasons, even though she’s a much sharper character - where Wyatt is slower, a mediator who evaluates options, she is clever and cunning, still a character who is always thinking and who can be used in that way, but for a different sort of outcome (which I desperately hope to explore in run and run one day)

my least favourite is Willa; I took a pass at her in hunters (it’s do or die, to everyone who isn’t keeps xD), and while I really like writing her as a secondary character, I find it really hard to get into her brain while maintaining that ruthless, ruled-by-pride version of her that I’ve built up without accidentally softening her. I just find that she stands up a lot better when I am writing from another point of view looking at her, rather than trying to get inside her head, and the way that I’m going towards breaking her down in a current wip is the only way I’m really interested in doing it - I don’t think I’d ever be interested in writing anything like if only we knew with Willa as the focus.

9: a passage from a wip

this one is just mean because you know that the only wip I have enough to show you of is and the chasm grows, and you know that you’ve seen everything I want to show you and that I’ll want to show you something new because I like it when you yell at me xD

“I don’t need your help, Wyatt,” Wila insists, unaware of the way such a cold sentiment splinters his heart into a million pieces.

“You always need my help,” he replies, his voice rising and rising. “You asked for my help just a few days ago!”

“And then you went and caught a fever, walking around out in the rain!” Her words are hot and angry, but for the first time, it is not directed at him. “I haven’t needed you all week, Wyatt! And I don’t need you when you’re half dead!”

13: who are your favourite writers?

s h i t.

out of the zombies fandom, you and @fist-it-out, although I’ve tried to read all the stuff from you guys in the discord and everyone seems to have their own little niche (even my tumblr friends who aren’t in the discord have their own corner of the fandom, everyone is rocking it, I’m just over here trying to carve out my own piece of paradise). i have nothing to say to you and sarah because I tell you all the time that you’re amazing so I’m just gonna name everyone else I talk to on a regular basis.

@rainfallingfromthesky is honestly the mvp like if I’ve read anything of yours then I don’t remember but you’re a godsend for editing and you’re the only thing holding river cold together and you fix my words when I don’t know what to put there so you’re one of my favourite writers even if you’ve never given me anything to read.

@kokinu09 and @gayce-ventura over here in fluff city keeping the balance on the relevant fanfiction sites between my everyone dies nobody’s happy bullshit and y’know, actual good fic. I don’t get like, pms bugging me to read your stuff so I think I miss it sometimes or I’m like ‘oh I’ll sit down and read that later’ and then I’m busy for four days and that’s honestly pretty shit of me but I’m still reading and I still love your shit, I promise xD

@gogoseabrook i mean..............weather warning. that’s....that’s all.

I didn’t think you’d be writing shit like that brooke like I think I still have whiplash. you’re over here telling me I intimidate you and then you just quietly put the link to that in the discord. like........holy shit

[spn-ficfanatic]

F*ck Cancer- Ch 1: The Discovery

SERIES MASTERLIST - CHAPTER TWO

Summary: You’ve been hiding a crushing secret from your best friends (Well, one best friend and one sometimes-lover if you want to get technical about it). How will they react when they find out that the woman they grew up and hunted with for most of their lives, may only have a few months left to live?

Genre: Angst

Characters: Sam x Reader, Dean x Platonic!Reader* *For my Dean ladies: it may not be romantic between him and the reader, but it’s a very close brotherly/sisterly relationship and I still think y’all will really enjoy it :)

Words: 3277

Warnings: Cancer/chemo talk, swearing

A/N: I’ve only written one series prior to this. It was also a Sam x Reader, was 8 parts long just like this, and just like this it marked a huge milestone on my blog. The first chapter of “The One Moment” marked the 100th post I’d made... this marks the 300th :)

Your phone rang as you stared lazily out of the window. You knew you were lucky, not many of the other patients had this view; it certainly made the whole process seem a little less intimidating. Your heart nearly skipped a beat when you saw it was Sam who was calling, for good or bad you weren't sure. You and he had been together in the past, it was never anything serious because the life of a hunter would never allow that, but to say you didn’t have some semblance of feelings for him would be a big fat lie. You took a deep breath and accepted the call, holding your hand over the microphone in an attempt to shield the hospital sounds surrounding you.

“Hey Sam, been a while,” you told him, trying to sound casual. Thankfully you had only just started treatment 10 minutes prior so the vomiting hadn’t started yet, and your voice would definitely have betrayed you in that instance.

“Hey yourself Y/N, been good?” he replied; you could hear the smile in his voice which in turn had you grinning. You really had missed him.

“Can’t complain,” you lied. “How are you and bonehead going?”

“Hey, I resent that,” Dean’s voice protested in the background and you and Sam shared a laugh.

“He’s good, we both are.”

“So, what are you boys up to at the moment? Gimme all the goss,” you begged, reclining in your chair.

“Actually we’ve just finished a case and will be driving through Austin pretty soon to the next one, thought maybe we could stop by and say hi.”

You nearly dropped the phone as you bolted upright. Holding onto it tightly you quickly debated on the best way to handle this. No way were he and Dean going to find out about this, especially not in the middle of treatment.

“Y/N? You there?” he asked, concern filling his voice.

“Shit yer, sorry, I sat back and nearly dropped my phone. Um, now’s not really a good time,” you told him, scrambling to come up with a good excuse.

“Is everything ok? Are you in trouble?” he asked, jumping straight into protective mode. You forced out a laugh.

“It’s all good, I’m just not at home. Hitting a salt and burn a few states over unfortunately.”

“I thought you were having a break from hunting?” Dean asked you skeptically. Curse his big brother senses.

“Yer but this came up and, I dunno, I felt like scratching that itch or something,” you scrambled, picking at a loose thread on your jumper sleeve nervously. “Anyway I think I’ll be here another couple of days so we might have to try for next time. Sorry.”

“No no, it’s fine. Sorry to miss you, was looking forward to it,” Sam replied, sounding pretty beat up. God damn it Winchester!

A nurse started to approach and you realised you had to get off the call before they overheard her talking about your IV line.

“Anyway guys I better get going, it was really great talking to you. I’ll call you tomorrow perhaps?” you rushed.

“Oh, uh, yer sure. That’d be great. Talk soo-”

You had to cut him off, the nurse got too close and was about to open her mouth and blow your cover. You berated yourself for it, he probably thought you didn’t want to see them anymore, and you face palmed yourself and groaned in annoyance.

“Oh hun, is the nausea starting already?” the nurse asked you kindly.

“Yer, only it’s not the chemo this time.”

-----------------------------------------

“Did she just hang up on you?” Dean asked incredulously. Sam was looking at his phone, the call disconnected before he’d even managed to get his sentence out.

“Uh, yer, it would appear so.”

“What the hell did you do to her man?”

Sam held his hands up defensively. “I didn’t do anything! At least I don’t think I did. Things were good last time, we email and message while we’re on the road. I don’t understand what’s going on.”

An awkward silence filled the cabin while the boys each contemplated the exchange.

“Did she sound a little flat to you?” Dean asked, starting to grow concerned.

“I dunno, a little I guess. Maybe this hunt’s taken a lot out of her, it’s been a while.”

“Do you… Nah.”

“What?”

“Well, do you think she was on a hunt? Really? Maybe she’s just avoiding us.”

Sam gave Dean a look, before leaning over and grabbing his laptop from the back seat. Dean kept his eyes on the road while Sam brought up the GPS tracker and put your number in.

“Dude, really? We’re stalking her now? She’s gonna kill you if she finds out you did this, you know that right?”

Sam didn’t answer as he watched the program track your phone, his heart dropping when it landed on the one place he never expected it would.

“Dean, how far away are we from Austin?” he asked as he stared at the screen, his voice sounding a little dangerous.

“Uhhh, a couple of hours. Give or take. Why, is she there?”

“Yer she’s, uh, she’s at Cornerstone Hospital.”

--------------------------------------

3 hours later and you were finally done with your chemotherapy treatment for the day. You’d had a bout of nausea a little while ago but generally were starting to come good again. Knowing what happened last time though, you had about 45 minutes to get home before you could barely stand through the pain.

Waiting for the nurse to see you, you drummed your hands on the armrest while you looked around the room. A few people had come and gone in the time you’d been there, some having just a half-hour treatment. You were the youngest there you noticed, and you always got the pity-stare from the older patients when they walked in and saw you. So you kept to yourself… making friends with people at this stage in your life seemed relatively moot.

You were too busy reading a new poster on the wall to hear the heavy footsteps coming down the hall. You may have recognised them if you have been paying attention, you’d heard them on enough hunts in the past. A deep voice broke through your thoughts and turned your blood cold; if you hadn't still been connected to all the wires you might have tried to make a run for it. Instead you took a deep breath and turned to face the brothers. Neither had noticed you yet, their backs to you as they spoke to the nurse at the desk opposite. They were in their FBI gear which surprised you.

“Hello, we're looking for Y/N Y/L/N?” Dean asked in his professional voice.

Sam started looking around the room and before the nurse could point them in your direction, his eyes landed on yours. His jaw dropped as he took your frail form in, and before Dean could even turn around he was headed to you.

“Y/N, what the hell?” he cried, trying not to be too loud but he was obviously upset. Dean too came toward you, you don’t think you’d ever seen him look so worried before.

“Is everything ok here?” the nurse asked as she approached your chair, eyeing the men cautiously.

“Yer it’s all fine Tess, thanks for checking. Could we have a sec before you unhook me?” you asked her quietly. “I need to talk with my friends.”

She nodded with a warm smile and patted your knee gently before walking off to help another patient. You watched her leave, and sighed as you turned back to face the guys. Both were staring at you with mouths agape, and you rolled your eyes and gave a little huff of amusement.

“You guys wanna close your mouths? There’s a few flies buzzing around in here.”

“Don't joke Y/N, this isn't funny,” Dean scolded.

You hung your head. “You're right, I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to talk about this stuff.”

“How long has is been going on?” Sam asked, nearly in a whisper. The guy looked heartbroken, and you felt like dirt.

You rubbed your neck awkwardly, you knew they weren’t going to like the answer you had for them. “Umm, this is my second cycle of chemo.”

Sam tried to stay composed but your admission took him by surprise. “Wha- SECOND? You didn’t think to call me after the first? Why the hell haven't you said anything?” he whispered angrily, trying not to draw attention from the other patients. It was a futile effort though, there wasn’t much entertainment in the treatment room so all eyes were locked on the display.

“Sam please, not here,” you begged, tears starting to form in your eyes as you looked around.

“She's right Sammy,” Dean replied calmly, noticing the attention as well. “Let’s just get her home and we'll figure it all out then.” You let out a breath, thankful to Dean for taking control.

“Thank you. I have my car so I’ll just m-”

“Wait, you drove here?” Dean scolded loudly. Well, so much for having calm big brother on your side.

“Is there a problem with that?” you asked defensively.

“You barely look like you can walk Y/N, let alone drive. What are you thinking?” Dean chided, and your ears grew hot with anger.

“Excuse me?” you asked, your voice low and dangerous. He’d only heard you speak to one other person like that before and it was Crowley when he dared to called you “sweetcheeks”.

He sighed, realising he was out of line, and tried to back-pedal. “I just mean…”

“No, I know what you meant Dean. You know, just because I’m going through this doesn’t make me a damn invalid. And sure I’ve lost a little weight and my hair’s a bit thinner but hey, that’s what’s gonna happen when my body is being pumped with poisoned to kill the asshole tumour growing in my noggin. But none of that really matters because I’ll probably be dead in a few months time anyway.”

As the conversation had become more and more heated the nurse was quietly and graciously removing your IV, she could clearly see this conversation was uncomfortable for you and wanted you to have the option to remove yourself from it if need be. It was all you needed to get up off your chair and start walking out the door, leaving the brothers behind you.

“Go after her and I’ll call security,” you heard Tess warn, and if you hadn’t been pissed as fuck you would have smiled. You’d developed a good repore with her in the time you’d been in the hospital, and considered her your closest friend at this point in your life. No-one else knew about what you were going through, you had quit your job ages ago and were supporting yourself with your safely stored away inheritance. You were thankful to not hear heavy footsteps following after you, and headed quickly to your car to head home. You didn’t know if you’d have enough of a head start to beat them.

----------------------------------------------

You were panting by the time you reached your front door. The headache had started on the way home and the stress of what had just transpired with the brothers was becoming too much in your state. You grabbed your keys out of your bag but your eyes became blurry, and you leaned your forehead against the door frame as you rubbed the bridge of your nose. Staying where you were you looked down as you found the key you needed, and gently leaned over to put it into the door. The roar of the Impala came around the corner and you groaned… why couldn’t they just give you a little time to process? Bloody men!

To your annoyance the key wasn’t fitting in the lock and you threw your hands up in the air in frustration, your head still resting on the door frame. You heard them pull up to your sidewalk and quickly tried to find the key you needed, only to drop them on the ground.

“What the fuckity fuck!” you cried out loud, stomping your foot in frustration like a 5 year old. You gave up and slumped on the sun chair by your front door, holding your head in your hands with your elbows on your knees. The car doors slammed and you could hear them walking up the path to your front porch.

“Y/N?” Sam called out when he saw you, and when you made no move to greet them he and Dean quickly raced to your side. “Hey, Y/N, you OK?” he asked, brushing the hair behind your ear.

“Stupid fucking key wouldn’t go in the stupid fucking lock,” you told him bitterly, and you heard Dean pick them up.

“I see the brain tumour hasn’t dampened your potty mouth,” Dean told you wryly, and you lifted your head gently to look at him.

“Did you just joke about my cancer?” you asked him with a smirk. He cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable with the mention of the C word, but he pushed through it and gave a tight smile.

“Do you need Sam’s help to get inside?”

“Um, I don’t think so. I think I’ll be ok, thanks,” you responded, giving Sam a smile as you stood. You screamed at yourself internally when your left knee buckled, and quick as a flash Sam’s arms were around you.

“Y/N?” he asked, sounding more scared than you liked to hear from him. You closed your eyes and nodded, swallowing thickly.

“I’m ok, just tired. Maybe I could use the help after all,” you admitted, not daring to meet his gaze. You were grateful when he didn’t swoop you into his arms, instead wrapping your arm over his shoulder and supporting you as you walked into your living room together. Dean grabbed your bag and put it on the floor by the door as he closed it, following you both.

Once Sam had you seated on the couch he took the spot next to you, Dean opting to lean against the wall instead.

“Do you need anything?” Sam asked, watching you carefully.

You shook your head. “I’m ok. You guys help yourself though, there’s some beer in the fridge I think.” When Dean’s jaw clenched you gave a small smile. “I keep it there for you guys, I’m not drinking I swear.”

He relaxed and nodded, crossing his arms over his chest letting the room fall into an uncomfortable silence. You found yourself picking at your sweater sleeve as you considered your next move.

“Thank you,” you told them quietly. “For not making me feel completely useless right now. I’m sorry I blew up at the hospital, that wasn’t fair.”

“No, you’re under a lot of stress, we get it,” Sam told you kindly, and you shook your head.

“You didn’t deserve that. What you did deserve to know was that I’m sick, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t know how, I tried so many times but it just wouldn’t come out.”

“It’s a, uh, brain tumour?” Dean asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yer, found out about a couple of months ago I think. I dunno, the days are starting to run together a little bit.”

“What do the doctors say?” Sam asked, and you could hear the reluctance as he did. He didn’t want to know this anymore than you didn’t want to tell him. You sighed, and looked up to meet their gaze.

“It’s aggressive, growing fast and they can’t operate right now. They’re trying to slow it down and hopefully shrink it with chemo before looking at surgery as an option, but because of where it’s located and the speed that it’s growing they think there’s only a 5% chance they’ll be able to remove it before it… before it, ah…” you stumbled, clearing your throat as your eyes started to fill with tears. Shaking your head slightly, you swallowed down the massive lump in your throat before continuing. “I probably won’t make it, is basically what I’m trying to say.”

Silence filled the room, and you let it this time. You were beyond exhausted, the treatment and this conversation were draining the very last of your energy. Despite your best efforts your eyelids began to droop, you barely noticed when you started to slide toward the cushions. Gentle murmurs barely broke through your haze, and you couldn’t find the energy even to acknowledge the one of them who lifted you up bridal style and carried you up the stairs to your bedroom. The fluffy pillows and quilt enveloped you, and without ever opening your eyes you drifted off to sleep.

-----------------

Sam stood at your bedside, watching you sleep. He'd never seen you looking so vulnerable, and it was scaring the crap out of him. This wasn't a monster he could fight for you, not a battle he could try and win on your behalf. This was the one thing no hunter ever expected to die from, knowing it would simply be too cruel an irony to befall them. And yet here you were: half the size you used to be, pale as a ghost and so frail you could barely stand. He stayed watching you for a while, making an easy decision in the process. Regardless of what Dean thought, he wouldn't be leaving this house without you again.

“Hey, did she stay asleep?” Dean asked as Sam came down the stairs and through to the kitchen. He had cracked a couple of beers and was currently whipping up some pancakes, their first home cooked meal since the last time they were in your house 3 months ago.

“Yer. Um, Dean, we need to talk-”

“So I was thinking that Y/N might be better off in the downstairs bedroom,” Dean started, cutting Sam off. “If she wants to that is. Just makes sense with the chemo kicking her in the ass so bad. You could take the study next to her so one of us is nearby, and I could take her room. Or vice versa, I don’t mind. Oh, and I had a quick look and there's a job going at a garage a few blocks from here, figured I could go out after we ate something and see if they'll take me on. Thought you’d rather be home for Y/N to take her to appointments and such, so no need to find you a job. We can figure out the rest when she wakes up. Now, do you want strawberries or blueberries with your pancakes?”

As Dean turned around holding two plates of stacks he found Sam staring at him like he was possessed. Dean rolled his eyes and took the plates to the dining table, heading back to the fridge for the toppings leaving Sam to catch up.

“So… you want to stay?” Sam asked incredulously.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Dean asked defensively as he sat down, quickly shoving a large bite of pancake into his mouth.

“I dunno,” Sam shrugged. “I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to go all apple pie life on me.”

“This is for Y/N. She's saved our lives more times than I can count, now it's our turn to save hers. She's family,” he said with finality, gently pushing Sam’s plate toward him and gesturing for him to sit down. Sam smiled broadly and did as requested, mentally planning out the new life they were making for themselves.

CONT.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SERIES MASTERLIST - CHAPTER TWO 

Tag Lists (Open)

Series Taglist: @deghostyboi , @dreaminemz

“Dean/Jensen” taglist:  @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk, @perpetualabsurdity, @mlovesstories

“Everything” taglist: @angelsandwinchesters, @grace-for-sale, @growningupgeek, @iamnotsaneatall, @nanie5, @waywardasfudge, @im-dead-inside05, @julzdec, @adoptdontshoppets, @meghanbeinghappy, @sleepylunarwolf , @sammysgirl1997, @imaginationisgrowth, @screechingartisancashbailiff

People who requested tags, that I cannot tag (but will still mention because I feel bad :( ): @ronja-uebrick, @lilydarcy

[seyaryminamoto]

Did you outline the entirety of Gladiator or do you create new arcs as you go along?

Gladiator is by far the most complicated story I have ever plotted. I’m pretty sure it shows, but it’s been a large-scale mess that I’ve tried to put together to the best of my ability. So many threads to bring together, so much that needs to be addressed in a world where the Fire Nation has virtually won the war… so it’s been a very long process.

I’ve been working on this story for 6 years now. I think I can safely say, around this point in time, that I have all arcs and important plotlines planned out. And even then, I only finished planning out what the General of Ozai’s Imperial Guards has been doing behind Ozai’s back around a couple of weeks ago. 

I suppose it might sound insane, especially as I’ve always held on to some of my original ideas on where to take the story. I probably plotted the events from chapter 97 around two days into planning the story. I plotted the eventual Combustion Man confrontation since day 1, I believe? But as the scope of Gladiator is so big, it’s a whole complicated process of steering things along carefully towards the direction I want for the story.

It must have taken me over a year to know what was the actual route the story would take for Part 3. After a lot of input by a friend, which left me in a bit of a strange position briefly because, while I didn’t dislike the ideas, I didn’t know what to make of them right away either, I eventually glimpsed a better outcome than the ones I’d been toying with so far. Ever since I figured where we were headed, a lot of the worldbuilding and sideplots have been geared towards developing the world into what it will have to become for Part 3. Some things may feel irrelevant right now, I suppose, but ultimately they won’t be. Nearly all characters, new or old, canon or OCs, will have a part to play in the story’s future. I can only hope that Part 3 will indeed do the rest of the story justice, but I’m confident that it’s the best direction I could be choosing for Gladiator.

There were several arcs and storylines that I did come up with later down the line: for instance, Hahn’s involvement in the story has been a late-ish addition, even though he’s going to bring in an important element for Part 3 (and for Zhao’s motivations to conquer the north). There’s an arc in the navigator right now, the Gladiators and Sponsors Race event, and it’s also a relatively late addition to the story. Azula’s confirmation as Ozai’s heir was also a late addition, something I came up with probably a couple of months before writing the scene where Ozai tells Azula he wants to declare her his heir. Hell, this may even sound completely bonkers but Azula’s homeless people situation was something I came up with like… DAYS before writing it. That wasn’t planned beforehand AT ALL, even though it has become a pretty important wedge that drives Ozai and Azula apart (plus it gave me the excuse for Azula’s speech in the festivals and I am ever delighted I wrote that). As for Haru’s family’s arc, for a very long time I had planned for Tyro to be alive, but eventually I realized it might just make more sense if he wasn’t. It would hike up the stakes, and on top of that, it would give Azula the motivation to take action about slavery even if Ozai was going to shut her down. And what started in Haru’s family arc through Tyro’s death will have a huge impact on everything that will come in the Slave Riot arc, and everything that comes next.

So… it’s not a straightforward process. It’s more like going forward, then backtracking, then going further back and then modifying what’s ahead if the lead-up doesn’t fit…? There’s a lot of tinkering to do for plotlines to work, for characters to develop in the way they need to. It’s hard work… but I can’t deny I love tying up old arcs with new ones, showing that nearly nothing is inconsequential, and that as much as it’s a slow-going process, our two main leads are moving forward to change a world what direly needs people with their abilities and leadership to take a stand for what they truly believe in.

If you’re curious about what I’d been planning before my friend’s input helped me find a whole new direction for the entire story…

Sokka was going to become Ozai’s gladiator. Yeah. I have no idea how I went from “Ozai discovers them” to “Ozai hires the guy who destroyed his daughter’s virtue”, but I did indeed. And it made as little sense when I came up with it as it does now that I’m telling you about it.

Sokka and Azula weren’t going to have half as many romantic moments in Part 1 as they did. I actually had planned for the first chaotic kiss, and then they would stay perfectly professional and pining over each other hopelessly until 97. Haha. I sure overestimated my willpower AND theirs.

After 97, though, I didn’t use to have remotely as many plans as I do with Part 2 right now. I knew I didn’t want them to be caught right away, but I didn’t think I’d extend things as long as I have because I had virtually no idea of where we were headed and how to get there. I didn’t know what needed to be set up, and so, I didn’t know if there’d be any story to tell beyond “Ozai caught them”. So, I had assumed I would give them a few months of romantic bliss only to tear them apart shortly after.

Back when things were very nebulous and new, I wasn’t sure about aging up Aang despite I think my explanation for him being older isn’t all that absurd. So, initially he was going to be a little 12-year-old kid amongst a bunch of grown-ups. Even then, I wanted Zuko to go south but I had no idea HOW to get him there. At that point in time, Zutara was a possibility for the story. When I decided to age up Aang, and Suki became a larger player, I realized there was a much smoother possibility by pairing them up with different characters instead (and frankly, Zuko’s character development via Zuki has made me feel so much better about him that I am really, REALLY glad I picked the current storyline over this one).

Zuko was, at one point, going to become a gladiator. It’s something a lot of people asked for, so I, being the easily-swayed fool I was, thought it might be a good idea for him to be the Blue Spirit. I can’t remember who I came up with as a possible sponsor for him, maybe the fact that I couldn’t even come up with a sponsor is the true reason why I ditched this idea.

Katara was also going to be a gladiator: Azula’s. Yeah. After Ozai took Sokka, Katara was SOMEHOW going to end up in the Capital and Azula was going to hire her in some nonsensical bid to save Sokka from her father. Where’s the logic? I dunno, I’ve been wondering the same thing for the last 6 years.

I didn’t have any clue who was going to be Fire Lord, and I actually didn’t realize Azula was going to have every right and reason to be the one to inherit the throne until relatively later in the game. It sounds so dumb now, I’m sure, but for a time I had taken for granted Zuko would be Fire Lord (must be I subconsciously bought all his talk about his MANIFEST DESTINY…! until I didn’t :’DDD).

There really wasn’t going to be much of a war left to fight anymore. The White Lotus wasn’t going to have a particularly important role, and I had no intentions of bringing Ursa in until Yang’s story displeased me enough that I decided I had to tell my own take on Ursa’s disappearance, if just to put it out there. Anyhow, going back to the White Lotus subject, it meant that someone killing Ozai was going to be the only way to end the mess of the 100+ year war because I had zero confidence about writing big battle scenes (tbh I still don’t? but I’m still going to give it a shot).

Toph and Iroh were going to be largely irrelevant. I mean, now that I look back on it, their roles were merely going to be about antagonizing Sokka and Azula for as long as they could. I had no intentions to make them friends with Toph, and I didn’t really plan to feature Iroh in a particularly plot-relevant role until, well… :’D until the White Lotus attacked, oops.

Ultimately, everything was going to boil down to conflicts between the show’s core cast (and not even all of it, like I said Toph, Iroh and Suki weren’t particularly relevant all along), and OCs weren’t important in my plans at all. Poor Rui Shi only became relevant when I wrote chapter 7, I believe, and he first tried to defy Azula’s commands. Kino outright didn’t exist until… way past a year after I started the story. I literally came up with him after I went to bed and I forgot about him the next morning. I spent HOURS beating myself about remembering what I had come up with until he finally came to me again xD Side characters like Song, or even Shoji, were added mostly for the fun of bringing in familiar characters from the show at first. Eventually they gained relevance for reasons far more important than their brief appearances in the show, Song in particular.

My idea for Sokka and Azula getting back together in Part 3 was… probably a big reason why I didn’t feel comfortable with my general outlining back then. It’s not that it was TERRIBLE, but it didn’t make much sense for a dramatic reunion to take place when they would have, arguably, been living in the same Palace for a while if Ozai took Sokka as his gladiator :’D therefore, it was generally pretty anticlimactic, melodramatic, and I knew I needed something better than that.

I can’t remember much else of my early, scrapped plans. Virtually everything plot-related I’ve written up here is completley discarded now, which is why I feel free to disclose it all. Admittedly, this wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the reported original plans George R.R. Martin had for ASOIAF x’D but it’s not exactly good either. I’m glad that I allowed the outlining of the full plot to take as long as it had to until I had found the right direction for the story, else I would still be working with most this nonsense in mind and… Gladiator would be so much worse. I have no doubts it would be.

[seraphcelene]

TV: Roswell, New Mexico - 1x04: Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

My thoughts are so random on this episode. There’s alot of threads being tackled and not all of them jive together. In the last two episodes watching Roswell has felt like watching three different shows all at the same time: there's a murder mystery, a family drama, and a YA high school romance in New Adult-ish clothes (omg, the genre collision). Then there are the B-plots: sexual orientation in the military and immigration politics. Trying to pull the narratives together into a cohesive whole makes for a jarring roller-coaster ride.

So, cowboys ...

Immediately, the title of episode four brings to mind stereotypes of the American Cowboy taming the Wild West. He's (always a He) gallant, tall, laconic, capable, stern, tough, emotionally unavailable, and physical.

Our candidates for cowboy hood are as varied as the stereotype is flat: Max, Michael, Kyle, Liz, Maria, Isabel, Master Sargent Manes. The problem of this line-up is the problem that the episode posits: Where Have all the Cowboys Gone? The fact is that they are missing. The stereotype is absent in the selection of characters provided. Looking back over the episode, they're knocked off one by one.

Spoilers!!

"There's a reason God put a cage around your heart."

Michael has none of the rugged, noble qualities associated with the cowboy. If anything he's more of a Drifter or a Desperado. That becomes very obvious in the light his awesome exchange with Maria:

"You drink just enough to burn off that Dramatic Cowboy Angst and then you start a fight before you have to pay."

It's SO Micheal and I am really enjoying the antagonism that exists between Maria ad Michael. The original pair had a similar, but less malicious vibe. The characters were romantically entangled, after all. Michael Vlamis's Michael Guerin is SO much more nuanced and troubled. Heather Hemmen's Maria DeLuca still carries some of Maria's quirk, but she is also very self-possessed and incredibly sharp. I still think the character is woefully under utilized, but we got to see some of her bite tonight and it was awesome!

Maria is pretty obviously our shaman in this storyline, guiding and insightful. Last week, she pointed Liz in the right direction to start her Rosa Treasure Hunt, this week it's all about revelations in the palm of Isobel's palm. Genuinely psychic, which I was so pleased to see, Maria has an odd place in the story. More connected to Rosa than to Liz, layer of remove sets her up as an outlier to all of the central action. She isn't a confidante like Kyle, dragged into the central narrative via his second romantic lead status and Liz's loose lips. In service to tonight's plot, Maria's reason for her beef with Isobel catty and high school as it sounds (I don't like you cause my BFF doesn't like you: the enemies of my friends are also my enemies, yada yada yada) acts as an entry point into a new facet of Isobel's character.

Reflections of Katherine Heigl slowly unfolds over the course of season one from this confident, sophisticated mean girl into this really lonely, needy TEENAGER was a highlight of the original series. She was clearly the best actress on the show, as later evidenced by her work on Grey's Anatomy, and I am still really disappointed that her career hasn't gone further -- you, guys, she has all the talent. Lily Cowles does a great job managing a similar trajectory, but her portrayal still reads a little disingenuous. She's missing the vulnerability that Hiegl exposed in Isabel so very well. Isobel's "carefully curated Pinterest" exterior (so aptly described by Maria) masks a woman desperate for security and stability and acceptance.

Isobel's utter pre-occupation with why Maria doesn't like her takes her down a pretty dark path. That attempted dreamwalk smacked so much of a mental rape attempt that it took me aback. Isobel's gifts make her good at violations. I didn't recognize it in last week's episode because the aggressiveness was missing. Isobel's interaction with Maria was very personal and very intent and intentional. The power dynamic though, interestingly, gets shifted pretty quickly. As Maria's psychic abilities peel back the mask that Isobel wears. It swings back again when Isobel literally shoves her abilities at Maria, demanding that she open her mind.

Isobel is obvs nobody's cowboy. She doesn't reflect the good, kind, true, upstanding hero. Her powers make her good at subterfuge.

Quickly, Kyle is way to urbane to be a cowboy. He's the town doctor: helpful, kind, smart. Master Sargent Manes is the villain. Nuff said.

Despite his very square and manly jaw and how well he fits the physical image, thus creating an expectation for us of how he will be and how we read him as a cowboy (with the hat and the boots and his thumbs in his belt loops), Max is definitely NOT a cowboy. Max is the love interest. Stereotypically, he read's as the girl in the triangle. Max is emotionally available, needy, and pining. He's laid his heart out for Liz only to have it repeatedly crushed. She does it again in this episode, admitting only that she feels something and that alot of that is terror.

In the final scene between Liz and Max, it was almost as if they were having two different conversations across time from the opposite sides of a relationship. Max, at least in his head, has been in this whole relationship with Liz that she never even knew about let alone participated in. His part of the conversation is about investing in and saving a relationship that doesn't, and never has, existed. Once again, Max declares his love for Liz and though she is able to acknowledge the feelings that he has, Liz isn't quite ready to meet him there.

So, who's left? Where HAVE all the Cowboys Gone?

Well, arguably, Liz, as much as she talks, is our laconic, capable, tough cowboy. The plucky go-getter heroine, smart, tough, distant, and capable. The entire opening scene  in which Rosa describes Liz, words Liz echoes to Max, are descriptors that are traditionally coded masculine. Liz wears her distance as a badge, one that she isn't willing to let go of. I love that Liz has such a sense of herself. In that last scene, Liz is looking into the possibility of a future relationship with Max, she's still  in the early exploratory phase of the relationship and is faced with a Max who is demanding more of her than she has to give. This is SO different from the original star-crossed love affair of the original series in which Max and Liz fell hard pretty instantly and equally. The shift in this iteration, the rebalancing of their affections definitely lends itself to a more grown-up narrative. Or at least, let's be honest, in this regard for Liz. While Max may still be hovering on the edges of some school boy crush for a girl he really no longer knows after an absence of ten years, Liz is living in an adult reality where love is never that simple.

Random Thoughts:

a) "People are the worse drug. They all hurt you in the end." The mystery of Rosa continues! Max does some dumb, melodramatic things and makes Jenna suspicious cause he's TIRED of hiding how much of a special snowflake he is! And then Roswell turned into a lifetime after-school special with the big reveal that Sheriff Valenti (the former) was having an affair with Liz's "teenage, drug addict sister"! Cue close-up, melodramatic tunes, and fade to black cause what can you say after that! Of course, all we've really mostly seen is Liz making one wrong left turn after another. She likes to get worked up, ratchet up the tension, make sweeping declarations inditing persons and then figuring out that okay, maybe, she might have been wrong. It's like a total soap opera.

b) What's the likelihood that crazy Alien Conspiracy Guy IS, in reality, an alien? Hiding in plain sight and all.

c) "You have exactly cinco segundos to get out!" Have I ever mentioned how much I love Spanglish? Well, any language mixing with English, really. I totes love it.

d) Master Sargent Manes remain an asshole.

e) Heart attacks out of nowhere, what up, Car Accident Kid and Papi Ortecho?!

f) I love that all of their powers have a physical limit and come at a price. It's not easy and there are repercussions.

g) Consensual, non-shamy, adult sex!! YAY!!!!

h) "I don't want to talk about him with you while I'm not wearing a bra."

i) And the finale reveals!!!! 1 - Michael killed "those girls." Does that include Rosa or just the other two? I get the feeling it was NOT Rosa, but that Michael's guilt is pushing him to become scapegoat for the sake of the family. After-school special Episode 2. No joke, it got really dramatic. 2 - The lights come back up in the city and there was, if my eyes don't deceive me, an imprint of a space ship over the city. What the actual fuck?!

[impressivepress]

Detroit, 1932: when Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo came to town

The Detroit of 1932 had many parallels to the Detroit of today.

The city was teetering toward bankruptcy. People were out of work. The city was so pressed for funds that it seriously considered closing its art museum and selling off its collection – just as it did when Detroit filed for bankruptcy in 2013.

And social unrest was in the air. On March 7 1932, the Ford Hunger March took place, during which laid-off factory workers clashed with anti-union enforcers hired by Henry Ford. Four marchers were killed, while 60,000 people took part in the funeral procession.

It was in this atmosphere of financial depression and social unrest that the burly Mexican muralist Diego Rivera – an avowed communist, fresh off a visit to the Soviet Union – came to Detroit to execute a massive mural for the Detroit Institute of Arts (DIA). With him, he brought his petite new bride, Frida Kahlo.

Eighty-two years later, the Detroit Institute of Arts is celebrating the works of Rivera and Kahlo with an exhibition that will run until July 12.

What the two artists produced during their year in Detroit marked the high point of each artist’s respective career.

For Rivera it was a mural – Detroit Industry – which he regarded as his masterpiece: the single most complete, powerful expression of his social and artistic ideals.

For Kahlo it was a series of self-portraits and harrowing narrative paintings that deal with themes like childbirth, abortion and suicide.

Yet how did a city that epitomized the nation’s industrial prowess come to commission a mural by an avowed communist? And why was he bankrolled by the heir to an auto empire that had revolutionized mass production and consumption? (During the height of the Red Scare, the Detroit Industry murals would be accompanied by a banner that began, “Rivera’s politics and his publicity seeking are detestable…”)

It’s a peculiar story, one that features larger-than-life personalities and awe-inspiring works of art. Like the best characters, all involved were conflicted, flawed and not quite what they seemed.

The commission

In 1932, Rivera and Kahlo arrived at the beckoning of the DIA’s museum director, Wilhelm Valentiner.

Valentiner was educated and trained in Germany. Over the course of his career, he created several great American art museums, spent most of his life in elite social circles and gave little indication of his political views, although he was briefly involved in political reform movements as a young man.

Ostensibly married, he seems to have been homosexual. Perhaps because of this, he kept his private life and inner feelings closely guarded.

And while he was the key figure in conceiving the commission, his motives for doing so aren’t clear.

Was it simply because Rivera was a star of the art world, or did Valentiner have some deeper political or social agenda?

Rivera’s portrait of Valentiner – another highlight of the exhibition – presents a figure who seems at once tight-lipped and tremulously sensitive.

Valentiner managed to execute the project through the financial support of Henry Ford’s only son, Edsel Bryant Ford, whose relationship with his father was conflicted, to say the least.

While nominally the head of the Ford Motor Company, Edsel had little actual control: his father, Henry, continued to manage the family business with an iron fist. Henry regarded Edsel as unmanly, a bit of a sissy who was much too interested in art.

Somehow, father and son skirted open conflict; but they worked in separate spheres, often in direct opposition to each other.

Henry Ford, for example, refused to hire Jews; his son quietly donated money to Jewish causes. While Henry ran the day-to-day operations of the business, Edsel retreated to the design studio, where his extraordinary genius for graceful, functional design helped rescue the Ford Motor Company from near bankruptcy.

Though the family business survived the stock market crash, the Great Depression had devastated the city’s working class. Wages were slashed, thousands lost their jobs and unemployment insurance didn’t exist.

Perhaps harboring complex feelings of privilege and guilt, Edsel seems to have sensed that a mural by Rivera could act as a healing force, reducing tensions between the owner and his workers.

And so he wrote a $20,000 check to cover Rivera’s fee – the equivalent of $320,000 today.

Detroit Industry

Upon arriving in Detroit, Diego Rivera – the avowed communist – was mesmerized by the efficiency of the city’s factories, which fulfilled his romantic notions of a productive, modern industrial state.

Somewhat surprisingly, he was also completely captivated by young Edsel Ford, a figure of considerable elegance and charm, who – save for his avowed reverence for capitalism – personified Rivera’s ideals of the enlightened modern leader.

With precise attention to detail, Rivera studied every process of the Ford factory complex at River Rouge, before compressing them into a single composition, spread over two large panels. He then inserted scenes of science and industry, accompanied by vast, nude, female allegorical figures, which symbolize the four directions and the different races of mankind.

The result was Detroit Industry: 27 panels that work in unison, highlighted by the two large panels of the River Rouge factories. Together, they line the DIA’s Rivera Court.

If we go through the laborious process of decoding the different scenes, we find that Rivera often organized them using contrasts, like the manufacturing of poison gas juxtaposed with the healing vaccines of modern medicine and science.

Yet despite the often heavy-handed use of didactic messages, the overall emotional effect is oddly ambiguous. Is the mural a celebration of the modern age? Or is it a nightmarish portrayal of soul-crushing industry? (Ironically, while Rivera claimed to be a communist, he grossly underpaid his workers for their help executing the mural.)

A couple that quarreled and inspired

Rivera and Kahlo were far from a model couple. They argued constantly. They divorced and remarried. He had an affair with a number of other women, including Kahlo’s sister. She had multiple affairs as well, with both men and women.

Yet despite the turmoil, they clearly possessed a profound artistic bond. While he could often be brutish and chauvinistic, it was Rivera who encouraged his wife to unleash, on canvas, her pain and anger towards men, to enter uncharted realms of subject matter and feeling.

Compared to Rivera’s huge murals, Kahlo’s paintings are initially a bit of a let-down: they’re surprisingly small in scale and not particularly impressive at the technical level.

Nonetheless, they’re surely landmarks because they dealt with subjects that had never been treated in the entire history of art: birth and abortion. The more one studies and deciphers the stories these images tell, the more arresting, haunting and unforgettable they become.

Sadly, the organizers couldn’t obtain the most impressive of Kahlo’s paintings: My Birth, 1932, which belongs to the pop star Madonna.

But the show does include Henry Ford Hospital, which depicts Kahlo’s abortion, along with A Few Small Nips – a rendering of a man with a dripping knife standing beside the bloody corpse of the woman he’s just murdered. There’s also the enigmatic Suicide of Dorothy Hale, a painting of a New York socialite jumping out of a tall building.

As with Rivera’s work, there’s an odd internal ambivalence to Kahlo’s work. Many of her paintings portray women as victims, either to the brutality of men or to the cruelty of natural processes, such as birth. Yet as a whole, they seem to simultaneously celebrate the strength of women.

In Kahlo’s world, the suffering and accomplishments of women are the dominant threads of human history, a story in which men play a secondary role.

Such an intensely feminist viewpoint had never before been expressed in art. And while Kahlo herself declared that she was a greater artist than Rivera, she was largely overlooked at the time. Now, however, Kahlo’s reputation and popular appeal – particularly among women – has come to overshadow that of Rivera.

Yet both should be lauded for finding inspiration in the struggles of daily life, for pinpointing issues that still concern and confound us today.

Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo in Detroit will be exhibited until July 12 2015.

~ Henry Adams · April 27, 2015.

[jade4813]

Hi, Jade! I remember watching Smallville but not really being in fandom and being in tune with how people received characters. I also remember you speaking about fandom during Smallville and how they treated Lois Lane. How vitriolic was the audience, especially the fan girls, when she arrived? How was it when she came back and started having more of a role in Clark’s everyday? What excuses would they use to negate Clois? And how you you compare the treat of Clois/Lois with Westallen/Iris.

I pulled out my computer for this one because DO I HAVE THINGS TO TELL YOU.

I’m going to go ahead and put a cut here. I’ve written all of two sentences and I just KNOW this is gonna be long.

Okay, so. I wasn’t actually involved in fandom when Lois first joined the show. (And yea, but those were happy days, full of innocence and faith in humanity.) But I UNDERSTAND that things were...generally fine for those first few episodes. If she got any hate, it wasn’t much. By comparison, if nothing else. Mind you, it was known that they had only gotten the rights to use her for a few episodes, so it seemed unlikely she would be around after that. She wasn’t really a threat to any ship at that point. I mean, sure she would be. In the post-Smallvillian future. But if she only ever had those three episodes, then the rest of the show could run its course and whatever ship the show did could happen and the post-Smallvillian breakup could remain largely theoretical. Or to be left to the imagination even! It’s fine!

But then. Oh my god. Then.

Then it was announced Lois would be around for more episodes. (13 with an option for more! An option they not only never used but they didn’t even always give her the episodes she was paid to do!)

At first, I think there was tension between Clana and Clois shippers. I feel like that started from the jump. And I suppose that makes sense. Chlark fans and Clois fans got along at first. Well, Chloe and Lois were cousins, so that might have helped. And also, it was no secret that there were restrictions that prevented anything romantic happening between Clois. So Clois wasn’t a threat to Chlark. At that time (season 4), even for Clois fans, Chlark seemed more likely to happen than Clois. (Really, Clois fans genuinely were as shocked as anyone that we were actually getting our ship developed in S8. We’d been told for years it wasn’t going to happen. That Lois would be, direct quote, “out in the cold.”)

But Clana fans and Clois fans didn’t really get along. Which...if you think about it...even if you knew that Clois wasn’t going to happen on the show, TPTB did still say that was Clark’s future. That when Smallville ended, it would be at the beginning of the story we all know - Lois and all. So even if Clana lasted the whole show, TPTB were basically admitting that Clana wouldn’t get the happy ending they so longed to get. Clois would. Whether or not we’d see it on screen. That fate was reserved for Clois.

One might ask why this didn’t bother Chlark fans at that time. I think - again - they knew that in S4 there was more chance of Chlark happening than Clois. Not a GREAT chance, given TPTB obsession with Clana. But comparatively better. In that Clois had absolutely zero chance. Even in a dream sequence. So whatever threat we might pose EVENTUALLY, we weren’t the biggest problem for them at that time. Their biggest problem was that the show runners made it very clear that Clana was their jam, and that didn’t seem likely to change.

So, S4 was...comparatively...pretty smooth sailing for Chlark and Clois fans. At one point, we even did art/fic exchanges for each other. Things with the Clana fandom were...less great. They even started the whole Rock The Mythos campaign (I think that year) - they petitioned DC to break up the marriage in the comics and put Clana together. (And, frankly, there are those who believe that it got more traction than it should have done. I think Didio at the time disliked Clois, and I remember reading that he green lit the story where Lana put her panties in Superman’s bed - and Lois was written as an unreasonable bitch - to set up the end of Clois. It didn’t go over well, so DC abandoned that idea and that arc ended. Now, I would have to go back and compare dates to see if there really was a correlation between one and the other. But I BEG you not to do that to me. For obvious reasons, I’m not a fan of that arc.

... Oh, god. I had to do it. I had to know. The panties thing happened in Action Comics #822. Published February 2005. Smallville’s “Crusade” introducing Lois aired September 22, 2004. So, depending how long it takes for comics to get through the editorial process...it is possible the two are linked. Just saying.)

ANYWAY. SO THERE WAS TENSION THERE. Obviously, Clois fans didn’t take well to the Rock the Mythos campaign. Clana fans didn’t like that they were told Clois would get their happy ending. And Chlarkers and Cloisers got along...all right...because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Right?

But then. Lois continued to stick around. She continued to have scenes with Clark. Scenes that kind of hinted to their future. And...those restrictions? The ones that made it a better bet Chlark would happen than Clois? Those seemed to disappear. At that point? The shit hit the fan.

Clana fans hated Clois fans. Clois fans weren’t too keen on Clana fans, not generally thinking the ship was written terribly well. Chlark fans hated Clois fans. After all, Clois fans would get the happy ending they “deserved.” What was more, it seemed at least possible that they would get something on the show. They at least got those hints that they WOULD BE together, while Chlark had no such promises. So Chlark fans started tearing down Lois, which obviously didn’t make the Clois fans happy. Chaos reigned.

By season 5, any tentative truce that had ever existed was GONE. Chlark fans came up with the Chlois theory - the theory that Lois Lane on Smallville wasn’t the “real” Lois Lane. She wasn’t Iconic Lois Lane. She was...a placeholder. Chloe was the REAL Lois Lane. And at some point (they hoped soon), Lois would die and Chloe would take her “rightful place” in the mythos.

They made arguments like...the fact that Lois didn’t start off as a reporter meant she could never be one and would never be worthy of being one. The fact that she didn’t go to college meant she was too dumb to deserve her iconic story. The fact she wasn’t a virgin meant she was a whore. (They called her Hois. And Nois. And the town bicycle.) The fact she was shown drinking alcohol once meant she was an alcoholic. She was a bimbo. A tramp. A bitch. Emotionally abusive! Toxic! Bringing down the show! Propped up to be more important than she should be, and taking attention away from the “Core Four” (the original OTF/A/etc.)! REAL Lois Lane would never put her life on the line for a story! That’s dumb and reckless! REAL Lois Lane would be more cautious! (Srsly? Have they read a comic?) She was just stealing the storyline and focus that should have been Chloe’s!

As an aside...do any of the above statements sound oddly familiar? Like things Westallen fans hear all the time about Iris? At least Lois didn’t have the incest argument.

At the time it started, I still loved Chloe. But the more I had to argue against the idiots who would tear Lois down and prop Chloe up for the same stuff, the more I nitpicked Chloe’s behavior, characterization, etc. to point out they were being dumbasses. And my enjoyment of the character took a hit. (To be fair, I think I would have come to hate her regardless. But it certainly got that ball rolling.)

They called for Lois to be written off the show. Killed off. Some told ED to her face that they hated her character and she should die so _________ could end up with Clark. Hell, shortly after getting the job, ED went online to see what people said about her. And apparently what she read was bad enough that she admitted in interviews that she avoided the internet as a whole for YEARS after.

Of course, the comments weren’t just made about Lois. They were made against Durance, too. Death threats. Saying she got her job via the casting couch. That she was a whore. All those lovely things.

And all of it got WORSE as Lois was around more. Particularly after Chlark didn’t happen post-Vessel kiss. And when Chloe started dating Jimmy. And when Clark and Lana lived together but weren’t shown in those lovey-dovey scenes their fans wanted. And when things like Red K Clark hit on Lois. 

Theories abounded about how Lois was going to be killed off. Some truly awful fanfic was written. Some deplorable fanart was made. And on the biggest fansite at the time, it didn’t help that the site runner was initially against Lois (calling her “grandma” in a caption under a promo photo - that was another thing they said about her. That she looked like an old lady). Whether he was genuinely a Chlark fan or whether he knew that the biggest portion of fans on his site from the beginning to Lois’s entrance were Chlark fans and thus he was in their corner, I don’t know. But a disproportionate number of mods were Chlark/Chlois fans in that day, and I distinctly remember coming across a LiveJournal discussion amongst them in which they made a list of prominent and/or vocal Clois fans on the site, with the stated intention to target them and get them banned. (My name was on the list.)

Eventually, the site runner met Durance and she was nice to him. He told me that he met Mack and she was less nice to him. Whether or not that’s true, I don’t know and I don’t care, really. The point was, he all of a sudden became much more friendly to Lois and Lois fans. A few Clois fans even became mods. It became slightly better - in that I was warned a few times by said Clois fans “please please please be careful what you say because my fellow mods want to ban you and we aren’t right now, but if you get another warning, they’re going to do it.” (To which I say “okay, cool. If the Clois threads are supposed to be for Clois supporters only, tell the shitty Chlark fan who keeps posting fanart of Lois and Chloe’s servant and other anti-Clois art to stay the fuck out of the thread.”)

It was ugly. TWOP was a fucking cesspool. You have no idea. I went there once and there were 100 pages bashing Lois to every 1 praising Chloe. It was vile. But because there really weren’t that many places to go - KSite, TWOP, and DI (our private Clois message board which has a special place in my heart always) - it was hard to avoid the worst of fandom.

So as far as the comparison of Clois/Westallen treatment? In many, many ways, it’s very similar. With the exception of the “incest” argument, I haven’t heard many arguments against Westallen that I didn’t hear against Clois. It was boring. It was predictable. She didn’t deserve him. He and Chloe belonged together because they were similar. He needed Chloe/Lana; he didn’t need Lois. Blah blah blah.

That said, Iris does also get a lot of racist attacks, which Lois obviously never got. That adds a whole new dimension to the hate - sent about the character and to the actor.

Clois did have the Chlois theorists. Who are still some of the worst people I’ve ever encountered online. As far as I know, SB fans have skirted that level of theorizing, but they’ve never gone all in like they did in Smallville. I mean, there are some WACKY FREAKING THEORIES out there. But I have yet to see the wholehearted commitment to the internal CERTAINTY of a Chlois-like theory in the works. (Once the show ended, I still saw theorists SWEARING that had been the original plan of AlMiles and would have happened if they hadn’t left the show. Like AlMiles would have had any other ending but Clana and a hint of Clois, if they had ANY say in the matter. And if they didn’t, it would have been because their bosses wanted Clois. As they ended up pushing for, actually.)

I could probably come up with more if you want. But this has gotten long and I might have scared you off already! Does this help answer your question, though?

[felassan]

Celebrating “Mass Effect: Andromeda” - A 7 Day Meme

I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things

By now you’ve no doubt seen BioWare’s official announcement that there will be no singleplayer DLC for Mass Effect: Andromeda. It’s unfortunate news, and for many passionate fans of the game, saddening and discouraging. But ME:A was (and still is) a lot of things to a lot of people, and lots of people on Tumblr and elsewhere are still actively playing and posting about the game, and participating within the fandom. To mark the ‘end’ (as it were), and for some positivity at this time, @omegastation and I thought it would be nice to hold a week where people can celebrate and commemorate the game, talk about aspects of it that they enjoyed and stuff it made them think about, and mention the good things it brought them, from feelings to friends. It’s kind of a neat closing bookend to the ME:A 30 Day Countdown Ryder Meme @omegastation and I put together and hosted before launch. Feel free to join in! Signalboosts are welcome.

The meme begins tomorrow, Monday 21st August! But you can do this or join in any time you like. Please post responses to the tag #meacelebrationmeme. We will try to read as many as we can! Remember to add relevant spoiler tags to your posts if they contain spoilers, especially if you discuss the novel Nexus Uprising or the comics, as not everyone has read them. For the purposes of this meme, the game, novel and comics are all included. Go into as much or as little depth and detail as you feel like, and feel free to use prompts as a springboard if there’s anything in particular you want to highlight or discuss.

Don’t forget, there are also Appreciation Weeks for Andromeda still ongoing and to come! The calendar is here, and next week is Lexi T’Perro Appreciation Week! ;)

#1 - Monday: Ryder Day

How did your Ryder turn out? Were they how you expected, or more unexpected? If pre-launch character-building is your thing, how similar were they to the concept you had planned out? Did they take on a life and personality of their own as you played?

Optional - Retrace your Ryder’s journey. What were their motivations? What decisions did they make, major and minor? Why? Is there anything they would do differently, if they were able to go back in time?

The epilogue of the game is quite open-ended, and the deciding power is now in your hands! Where is your Ryder’s head and heart at by the end of their first adventure in Andromeda? What are their new hopes and aspirations? Where are they headed now? What about their sibling?

#2 - Tuesday: Characters Day

We met a whole host of colorful new characters in Andromeda, many of whom became like friends and family. Who was your favorite major character, and why? What about minor characters? Which squadmates did you take out into the field the most? Were there any characters you took a while to ‘get’ or to warm up to? Which character had the biggest impact on you? Whose development arc did you enjoy the most?

Note - Being critical of a character is acceptable, character bashing/hate is not in the remit of this meme. Thank you!

#3 - Wednesday: Relationships Day

Did your Ryder have a best friend? How did they feel about their family? Which non-romantic relationships were most important to and impactful for your Ryder, and why (these can be positive or negative relationships)? Who did you romance first (if anyone) and who was your main romance (if applicable)?

Which relationships between characters (including ones that don’t involve Ryder) interested you most? Were there any in particular which moved or gripped you? How did your Ryder relate to figures like Sloane, Reyes, Evfra, and Tann, and what were your own thoughts on them? How did they/you feel about the Kett as a threat and the Archon as an opposing force?

#4 - Thursday: NEW STUFF Day

With fresh blood on the writing team, the jump to a whole new galaxy, and forward on platform generations, Andromeda added a lot of cool new things to the franchise - species (sentient and otherwise), planets and other locales, combat elements, technology, discoveries… Talk about your favorite takeaways from among these. What did you enjoy about them? Which ones could the OT have benefitted from having? Which planet was your favorite and why? What were your thoughts on the Angara? If you play multiplayer, do you feel like they made improvements there? And yes, you can absolutely answer with an essay about your love for the jump-jet if you want! ;)

#5 - Friday: Lore Day

Who was the Benefactor? What’s the deal with the Jardaan? Where did they go? Who (or what) were they fighting? What’s going on with the Kett Empire? Who killed Jien Garson, and why? What could happen with Ellen Ryder’s possible cure? Andromeda brought us heaps of intriguing new lore information, and left us with some unanswered mysteries, both big and small. Discuss your thoughts, guesses and speculations with regards to these (including any not listed here). Do you have any pet theories of your own? How about favorite theories from among the fandom? Which Andromeda-specific lore-mystery keeps you up at night the most?

#6 - Saturday: Fandom & Community Day

ME:A was the game through which @omegastation and I connected, and we’re sure other people must have similar stories. ♡ Did you make any new friends or connections through the ME:A fan community (and how?) - for example, through lore discussions, RPing, mutual love of the same character, sharing about your OCs, or multiplayer? Besides your own (!), whose Ryder[s] is/are your favorite[s]? Whose ME:A art (of any form) do you just adore? Are there any ME:A-heavy blogs that you love to follow? Give them all a shout-out, share your recommendations and love on them here! ♡

Optional - Share any creative works or endeavors ME:A inspired you to do that you’re particularly proud of here! This includes but is by no means limited to fanfiction, fanart, forum threads, edits, gifs, videos, meta posts, collaboration projects, aesthetic collections/inspiration blogs, etc.

#7 - Sunday: Introspective Day

Consider the game and the feelings and reactions it elicited in you. Which moments in the game were absolute high points for you? Which parts made you joyful? Which parts made you laugh? Which emotional notes in the plotline are you still reeling from? Are there any aspects of the game you’re still mulling over (for example, thematically speaking, decisions Ryder made that you’re still unsure about, or in regards to social issues)?

On reflection, what do you think Andromeda did well? What would you have sought to have done differently if you had been a dev? As above, criticism and constructive feedback is welcome - bashing/hate is not appropriate for this meme.

Now, let’s look towards the future. Hopefully, ooone day in the distant future, they’ll take the Mass Effect IP ‘off ice’. What are your preferences where potential future games are concerned - do you want to see a direct sequel to ME:A? Another ‘reboot’? Would you want to play as Ryder again? What direction would you want it to go in? The sky's the limit for this question!

A small closing note: Sincerely, we want to thank the Mass Effect fan community for an enjoyable, thought-provoking last few months. It’s been an interesting ride! Our hope is that this meme helps people process the news and their associated feelings somewhat, at least on a small scale. We hope that you continue to enjoy Andromeda and each other, and keep creating, connecting, discussing and debating together as a community! We’re looking forwards to reading your responses. Thank you for participating. =)

[fadedtoblue]

My thoughts on The Punisher

Surprise, surprise -- I have (extremely scattershot) thoughts about The Punisher! 

The husband and I binged this over the past 3 days (2 episodes Thursday @ midnight, 5 episodes Friday night, and 6 episodes over Saturday) and given its unrelenting intensity I’m pretty sure there are a lot of details I’m not going to fully grasp until I watch this again, but overall impression -- super solid. I would still personally rank it under Daredevil (sorry, he’s always gonna be my number 1!!), but I think it jockeys for second position with Jessica Jones? This particular show did some things amazingly well that the others haven’t, I think largely due to the fact that it was a standalone series, separate from the Defenders, and didn’t need to mess around with rationalizing any superheroics or powers -- at its core, it’s an intense and violent 13-hour examination of Frank Castle, who incidentally exists in a world with superheroes. But anyway, let’s dive in -- it should go without saying that spoilers absolutely abound after the cut...

Let’s start with the good stuff:

Jon Bernthal as Frank. Listen, whether you loved or hated the show, it can’t be denied that Jon absolutely kills it as Frank. This show lives and dies on those fine as hell shoulders and he brings it in every stage of Frank we see on screen. I liked that they never shied away from all of the messy parts of him -- geez, when he’s holding a freaking knife to Zack’s neck...worst parental pep talk ever? Or when he’s genuinely encouraging Lewis to blow himself up. And the unflinching way he goes about his kills. But as you can imagine, it’s those moments when he loses his grip on his steely control, when he can’t rely on his rage to hold him together...those were my favorite ones. When he has those aching moments with Karen by the waterfront and in the elevator. When he realizes that Russo knew about the mission that would kill Maria and the kids. We know Frank does rage well but I’m glad we didn’t fully leave behind broken, grieving Frank either. 

Well-drawn side characters, especially those that had a direct relationship with Frank. As far as main character relationships go, Frank and Micro pretty much made it for me? They balanced each other so well and were such assholes...yet caring assholes lol. I don’t even think I could keep track of how many times I just burst out laughing during their scenes. Frank explicitly trying to fuck with him by visiting Sarah, Frank tying Micro naked to the chair (of course he would), Micro pushing Frank around in the chair (hee), any exchanges that had to do with food (lol the sandwich bit), the drunk shit-talking...I loved it all. Part of me hopes that David can just live a happy, quiet life with his family and not get pulled into this shit anymore but I’m sure that’s not happening...which makes me feel torn haha.

Frank and Karen were a highlight as well. It was definitely very measured amounts of interaction, but I felt like they didn’t waste a second of it. And the way it culminated was quite emotional, but earned. Like that amazing scene in the elevator with Karen, absolutely beat up and exhausted and nearly broken and the only thing keeping them standing in that moment is that unspoken thing between the two of them -- they want so much to lean into each other and just stop but they know they can’t. She knows he can’t. And her implicit support and encouragement for him to continue on was a really strong character beat. There’s no way they don’t see each other again in DDS3 as far as I’m concerned. 

After that, I did like what they did with his connections to Curtis and Billy, I definitely bought all of them as members of the same unit and connected by this unspoken code / brotherhood. I had issues with some of the background motivations which I’ll bring up later but...yeah, I was just like DAMN Frank actually has some really good friends! I’ll call out Billy briefly here, because shit, he was SO MESSED UP but I think they did a really good job evolving his position as Frank’s grieving brother in arms in the beginning of the series to someone who has gone crazy from losing everything he’s worked for and I’m already shivering a little to imagine the pain he’s going to lay at the feet of Frank Castle and characters like Dinah...ugh ugh ugh! But anyway, well done by Ben Barnes!

Considerate approach to examining grief, PTSD and veteran’s issues. Okay, I’m really not super knowledgeable about PTSD and veteran’s issues in general so I’m only speaking from my own limited opinion, but the way it was approached on this show felt...fresh? It was handled with respect -- mainly in showing how different people process and deal with that trauma differently...you could see that in Frank, Curtis, Billy, and Lewis -- but at the same time worked as an unflinching examination of how the system fails...so that part was really solid. At first I wasn’t entirely sure why we were spending so much time with Curtis and the support group and these slightly caricatured individuals but I think it paid off in the end. Lewis was a struggle for me at first but I ultimately think he was an extremely necessary story to tell because he does encapsulate all of the failures the show was trying to examine and I think Frank needed to confront someone like him over the course of this show. 

And the examination of grief. I’ll touch upon what they did with Sarah in this section because I think that’s basically the purpose she was meant to serve with Frank. I’m sure some people weren’t super thrilled with how much it got drawn out, but I don’t know, it really kind of worked for me? Obviously Frank makes first contact simply to freak Micro the fuck out (and it works), but at a certain point, it’s essentially forced into continued contact with Sarah and the kids and despite his best efforts, I think he starts to confront his own issues and demons regarding Maria and the kids through this connection with a woman who actually has a unique and powerful understanding of exactly what he’s going through. And these meetings are almost like therapy for him? I can’t imagine he’s ever had a safe space to process all of the ways he feels like he’s let his family down. And I think he is able to work through some of this by talking to Sarah, by connecting with the kids. This is really something Frank the character needed. As far as the romantic overtones? Undertones? I found it quite realistic actually. I liked that the show towed a grey area with it for a while, and if you think a single mother of two kids who is still intensely grieving the loss of her husband and her children’s father wouldn’t respond romantically to this man who keeps showing up and essentially fixing her life? I was super opposed to the idea of Frank kissing Sarah but I think the way they did it worked. They were very clear that it was a response borne out of her own struggles, and Frank makes it very clear to her and to Micro that this doesn’t mean anything to him. If you see how Sarah reacts to Micro in the last couple of episodes (damn it was a gutpunch) then you wouldn’t worry about what she thinks about Frank Castle! 

Episodic pacing + interesting storytelling devices. People usually gripe and grouse that Netflix shows have pacing issues but I felt like Punisher (even with my minor issues with plot and stuff) really kept me engaged through the entire run. None of the episodes felt like filler or stopped the story in its tracks (which has definitely happened on all of the other Marvel Netflix series). They also took some fun risks with storytelling structure, particularly in 1x05 (with the ambush on Gunnar’s property being mainly told via body cam) and 1x10 (with the time jumps / intercutting between various POV, both reliable and not) -- it was things like that which kept the show chugging along at an exciting pace.

The not so good?

Lackluster conspiracy plot / overall antagonist. So listen, I want to be clear that I liked Dinah Midani, so I hate that I’m talking about her in the context of the not so good stuff -- she injected a dynamic the show needed, which was a strong ass female character that doesn’t really need men for anything, and more specifically, doesn’t really need the “hero” of the show for anything either (except you know, a witness statement lol)! I loved the moments we had with her and Billy (even though, UGH BILLY!!! That washing her off in the tub scene gave me legit shivers and rage) and even the briefer moments we had between her and other characters, like Karen, her mom, even her boss Rafi. But she was also the driver of a conspiracy plot that to me, kind of missed the mark. I liked that they took those threads from DDS2 and tried to build them into a larger, more wide reaching governmental conspiracy in TPS1 but...I don’t know, it just never felt like it was realized enough, and the characters more prominent in that plot never felt more than just one-dimensional means to an end (also it didn’t feel realistic that it was basically just two people doing shit in Homeland Security on any case at given time). Her motivation worked but every time they showed her smarts and intelligence and dedication to her job, they would undercut it a bit by making her less than capable in the field, always making questionable decisions and getting her people killed. Overall, it was one of those, works on paper, doesn’t work in execution kind of storylines. 

And tying this conspiracy plot that never quite worked to the lack of a strong, overall antagonist -- I don’t think it’s something a regular show would have needed, but as a comic book adaptation (particularly a Marvel Netflix one), I was expecting a bit more. Rawlins was literally never a convincing antagonist -- his inclusion felt like a necessity on the conspiracy side, but he didn’t play off Frank in any convincing way. He was a blowhard and an asshole, not really a bad guy. That misogynist asshole Wolfe had more convincing presence to me in the small number of episodes he featured in than Rawlins tbh. As for Russo, he was obviously a much stronger foil to Frank (and a compelling secondary foil to Dinah as the female lead) but since the story was actively building him up to become the villain next season, he didn’t really tick the right antagonist boxes for me this time around either. I also didn’t like how his motivations felt really muddled a lot of the time, I liked that we kept switching back and forth from oh wait Billy is a good guy, oh no, Billy is an epic piece of shit, but I would have appreciated more clarity on why he made the choices he made and why that would justify such an epic betrayal of his brother.  

Heavyhanded approach to certain side issues. As well done as the grief and PTSD storylines were, most of the gun control related side plots just didn’t really work for me. I understood why they included it -- you can’t make a show like the Punisher in this current day and age without addressing the elephant in the room -- but it just felt really clunky. I guess at the very least they made the characters symbolizing both sides of the debate equally clunky? Hypocrite senator was about as annoying as NRA blowhard guy (though he certainly didn’t deserve to meet that end, RIP NRA blowhard guy). I guess I just feel torn because I have a very strong stance on this IRL but I almost feel as if I would have rather they not included it in this show if it wasn’t going to be handled with care. I’ve accepted that the Punisher and really any sort of violence driven show created for entertainment (which is...so much of our programming nowadays) can’t always be a grand statement regarding societal ills. Sometimes they just are what they are. But at least in the case of the Punisher, it didn’t feel like the violence was meant to be glorified or cheered on (I didn’t anyway) or viewed as some sort of heightened violence fantasy. It was brutal and unsettling. Anyway, all of this to say that I clearly don’t quite know about I feel about it since this was such a damn rambly paragraph lol. 

Storytelling issues + plot holes. So while I’ve said that the biggest positive the show had to offer was the lack of reliance on an expected superhero formula, I think this made me struggle a bit more than usual with being able to suspend my disbelief about certain goings-ons in-show...like, the moment Frank shaves off his hobo hipster beard, how does NO ONE RECOGNIZE THE DUDE FROM LAST YEAR’S TRIAL OF THE CENTURY?? (Though I legit enjoyed the hilariously awkward silence of the Lieberman family watching the TV and being like WTF) And how does Frank literally get shot / stabbed / tortured in every other episode but manage to bounce back in a day so he could do more Punishing. Even Matt couldn’t recover that quickly if he tried! Like I don’t know, I would have liked to see Frank wearing more body armor or protecting his head or SOMETHING. And as delightfully fanservice-y the Turk cameo was, no way Frank Castle wouldn’t end him without a second thought. Of course, these are such nitpicks but they did take me out of it every so often. 

So as you can see, for me there were more positives than negatives. Everything that I saw makes me extremely excited to see Frank’s Punisher in the Marvel Netflix universe again. I thought they told a very self contained story here and hit nearly all of the beats that you could want in this particular adaptation. I wouldn’t have expected them to leave it so open ended at the end but in retrospect it was a bold choice and I think one that is very considerate of this version of Frank Castle that we know. As someone who doesn’t have the emotional attachment to him via comics, I’m somewhat glad we didn’t just end this show with him as full on Punisher. I think there are more stories to explore before we get there. I also 100% expect him to reappear in DDS3 at this point and I’m super curious about where he goes in TPS2. I feel by that point, they’ll need to lean into the more comic book-y elements and it’ll be interesting to see how they handle that tonal shift.